


The Shocks of Adversity

by Teeelsie



Series: Shocks of Adversity 'Verse [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash to Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:11:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2233647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teeelsie/pseuds/Teeelsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doris returns, testing the limits of Steve and Danny's friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set after S4. Pre-slash. In my mind they get there eventually - soon, probably - just not there yet.
> 
> So, I never thought I would actually post anything, but this wouldn't leave me alone, so, what the hell...

 

 

 

Danny pulls up outside Steve’s house on Thursday morning, like he does most mornings. He beeps the horn twice and waits, like he does most mornings. After a minute, he gets out of the car and heads to the house, letting himself in the front door, like he does most mornings.

It is a game they play, he and Steve: Steve doesn’t come out when Danny arrives, even though he knows, virtually to the minute, when his partner will arrive. Danny pretends he is too impatient to wait in the car, resulting in the need to get out and vacate the driver’s seat. Once Danny’s inside, Steve inevitably walks into the living room, ready to go. They walk out together, Steve heading to the driver’s-side door and Danny getting in the passenger’s seat with no comment. Both recognizes what is happening, but neither acknowledges it – an unspoken agreement between the two partners.

This morning is different. Danny pauses inside the door; Steve is nowhere to be seen.

Danny thinks he hears someone moving around upstairs: “Steve?!”

Getting no response, Danny heads up the stairs cautiously. Walking into Steve’s bedroom, he stops short. Steve is throwing things into a duffle bag – both precisely and haphazardly, if that is even possible.

“What’s going on?” Danny asks his partner, since Steve hadn't mentioned anything the day before.

Steve startles a bit, surprised to see his partner who is looking at him with a quizzical look. Damn, he hadn’t realized what time it was.

“Oh, hey, Danny – sorry, I meant to call you. Look, I’m going to be gone for a bit. I, uh, I have a thing.”

“You have a thing?” Eyebrows up. “What kind of thing?” Once again, Danny is impressed with his partner’s ability to be inarticulate about what the hell is going on.

“Doris needs my help with something,” Steve says after a beat, some reluctance in his voice.

In fact, Steve’s mother had shown up at his door late the night before, spinning a vague tale about leads, and evidence, and needing Steve’s help to find some unspecified item. When pressed for specifics she offered little, telling him only that she couldn’t get into the details. When Steve had started to balk, Doris played the “mother card.”

“Steve, son, I need you to trust me on this. The less you know the safer it is for both of us. Please, I need your help, and you’re the only person I can trust.”

His inner voice battled itself… None of his dealings with Doris since she’d returned like Lazarus from the dead, had been straight-forward. She had lied, evaded, denied, and refused to tell all, but always with a nugget of truth that kept Steve from shutting her down completely. In his most introspective moments (of which there were more than many people probably realized), Steve knew that deep down, he really just wanted his mom, and he was willing to let a lot slide in the hopes that someday he might just get her back, for real. He hated that he felt that way; it was stupid. She wasn’t really trustworthy – wasn’t the woman the young-boy-Steve, had known. She was someone else entirely now, and Steve was still trying to figure out who exactly that was. But until he knew for sure, he found he could neither embrace her wholeheartedly, nor turn away completely. They were stuck in this limbo where she appeared intermittently seeking Steve’s help, and he felt compelled to go along, if only to glean just a little more about her true nature.

When Doris had called him 'son' and said she trusted only Steve, what could he say to that, other than, 'OK'?  So here he was now, packing a duffle for an unknown destination for an unspecified period of time, with his partner standing in his bedroom staring at him.

Steve finds he can’t quite hold Danny’s stare and he turns away, heading for the dresser.

“Where are you going?” Danny asks, concern clearly audible in his voice.

“I don’t know… exactly,” Steve replies, not looking up from where he is digging through a drawer.

”OK… how long will you be gone?”

Steve flicks his eyes quickly at Danny and then away. “I don’t know that either… exactly.”

“Steve…” Danny says, his voice carrying tinges of frustration now, as well.

But Steve cuts him off. “Danny, don’t... she needs my help and I have to help her.”

“Steve, babe” Danny relies softly, “you really don’t.”

“You have something to say, Danny?” Steve finally looks right at him, challenging.

Danny takes great pains to gentle his voice and not sound judgmental. He’s not a fan of Doris and they both know it. Except for a brief moment of euphoria upon finding her alive, she’s been nothing but a source of pain and confusion for Steve since the day she showed up in his life again – and to Danny, to some extent, by extension. But he also realizes that Steve's relationship with her is a complicated cesspool and he knows that attacking her will only put Steve on the defensive.

Plus, he really does wish Steve and Doris could have an actual mother-son relationship – there’s almost nothing he wishes for more in the world, and certainly as things pertain to Steve, it  _is_ his greatest wish.

“I’m just suggesting that these kinds of things have not always gone so well with Doris in the past. Are you sure that this is a good idea?” Danny asks, with a calm he doesn’t really feel.

“She asked for my help, Danny, I have to help her.” Steve says again.

“Again, no, actually, you don’t. Or at least you shouldn't go in blind like this. You might suggest to her that you won’t assist with her latest black-op unless she tells you what the hell is really going on.” Danny can’t help himself, his voice rises slightly as he gets that last bit out.

Steve gives Danny a hard look.  Shit, Danny thinks he may have stepped over the line…

“Some people don’t need all the details before they have someone else’s back. Some people have their partner’s back no matter what,” Steve answers tersely.

That piques Danny’s temper just a bit…

  
“OK, _first_ , she is not your partner, she’s your _mother_ , and most mothers do not ask their children to drop everything and run off on some unknown mission that could get them killed!”

“I’m just saying, _Danno_ , that if Doris, or any of my team needs me to watch their back, I would do it, no matter what, no questions asked.” Steve looks pointedly at Danny.  He is equally riled now. So much for not putting him on the defensive.

But now Danny is righteously pissed off.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are you somehow implying that I do not have your back? That I haven’t had your back every single time you’ve needed me to? That I haven’t gone to fucking hostile countries to ensure your personal safety? Name me one  _single_ time that I have not had your back! The only times I have not been there to try to protect your danger-seeking ass was when you wouldn’t let me, and even then I followed you half-way around the world to bring you back alive! Twice!”

“And by the way, _this_ …?” Danny gestures wildly, waving his hand back and forth between himself and Steve. “This  _is_ me having your back!”

Steve has trouble looking Danny in the eye, knowing he can’t refute the validity of any of that. But he’s not done; he’s pissed now too, and defensive, and he will not let his opponent get the upper hand. So he pulls out the strongest ammunition he can muster in the heat of the moment, and goes for the jugular.

“Don’t lay your shit on my mother – you’re no paragon of virtue as parent yourself!”

Affronted, Danny looks at Steve, wondering where the hell that came from.

“I never said I was,” is the only response he comes up with.

Steve continues (continue the attack until your adversary is neutralized): “You lie to Grace all the time.”  His voice is hard; accusatory.

“Excuse me? I do not lie to my daughter.” Danny shoots back, an indignant look on his face. He’s not quite sure what the hell is going on anymore… somewhere along the line, this conversation went seriously off track.

“What a load of shit!” Steve barks as he takes three quick steps into Danny’s personal space; he's on the attack.

“Sorry Gracie, I can’t take you to the beach today, I have a meeting with the Governor… Kono, would you mind getting Grace from school today? Just tell her I had to take a quick run to Maui…” Steve mocks, in a sing-song voice.

Danny’s not intimidated by Steve’s looming presence; he stands tall and looks right into Steve’s eyes.

“Relieving my 11 year-old daughter of the burden of knowing that I am spending six hours interrogating a serial rapist, or notifying a family that their son is dead, is hardly the same as Doris lying repeatedly to you, a full-grown adult - a former navy SEAL and a cop, I might add - about her whereabouts and her association with a known criminal.” Danny’s pretty upset now; his tone is definitely angry (and slightly hurt), and he’s trying, unsuccessfully, to stay calm.

“Face it D, you’re just insecure about your own ability to give Grace what she needs, so to make yourself feel better you trash on my mom.” Steve is speaking loudly now, almost yelling.

Danny hates it when Steve calls him 'D'; it reminds him of that son-of-a-bitch, Peterson. Steve knows this, because Danny told him shortly after the incident with his former partner. At the time, Steve practically choked with guilt, and he hasn’t called him 'D' once since then – until just now.

“I give Grace everything she needs…” says Danny, feeling on the defensive now.

“Yeah? Who pays for her nice private school? Her tennis lessons? Trips to Europe? Even her fucking pet bunny came from Stan, not you! You will never be able to give her the things she wants and needs and that pisses you off! So why don’t you go deal with your own shit and leave me to do what I need to do!”

Danny stops. Mouth opened slightly. Too stunned to say anything, several competing thoughts swirl in his head simultaneously:

  
~WTF?  
~Did Steve really say that?  
~He’s right, I could drop off the face of the earth tomorrow and Grace’s life would go smoothly on.  
~Fuck you, I'm a great father - I don’t need to buy Grace’s love because what I give her money can’t buy.  
~Did Steve  _actually_ just say that? Jesus, I can’t believe he went there.–  
~Out.  Just get out now.

This tsunami of thoughts, and equally strong emotions of hurt and anger, flash through Danny’s head in an instant. Danny’s shocked, really. He can’t believe that things went so haywire so quickly, and they’ve landed so suddenly on this brink of destruction. Something between the two of them has cracked open here, and Danny didn’t really consider that that would ever happen. They’ve been through a lot together; grown close. Steve’s the best friend he’s ever had, and he had thought, that maybe, someday, they might be even more than that.

Danny’s not sure about any of that anymore. What he is sure about right now is that he has to get out of this house before he punches Steve or says something equally unforgivable. He snaps his jaw shut. Then opens it again to speak, mouth dry as a bone.

Steve is staring at him with his thousand yard stare, fierce and unyielding.

“Right,” Danny says, with significantly more composure than he feels. “Right, OK... Uh… good luck with your thing. Try not to get yourself killed – I sincerely mean that.”

And with that, he turns and walks down the stairs and out of Steve’s house, wondering if it’s the last time he ever will.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

Steve continues to shove things into his duffle until the enormity of what’s just happened – what he did - hits him like a freight train.

“Shit! Shit, Shit, _SHIT_!” He yells and throws the first thing he can wrap his hand around – his stick of deodorant – across the room with enough force to put a dent into the wall. He slumps on his bed, head in hands and tries to calm his breathing which has ratcheted up about ten notches.

An hour later, Doris finds him sitting in his chair on the lanai, staring vacantly at the water. She can tell something’s off. Shit, she was afraid of this.

“Steve? Son? Are you ready? We need to get moving. I’ve got a plane waiting at…”

“I’m not going,” Steve says, devoid of emotion, still looking at the ocean.

Doris pauses, rethinking her game-plan... “What’s happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Steve responds wearily, eyes closed now. “I’m not going because I don’t trust you. I don’t know a god damn thing about this mission of yours and I’m not walking blind into a situation like that.”

“I explained that I can’t…” Doris is nervous.

“I know - you can’t tell me. But here’s the thing. If you don't trust me enough to tell me what the hell this is about, then I can’t trust you to have my back, so we have some pretty fundamental trust issues and I can’t operate that way.”

“This isn’t like you… Have you been talking to someone? Danny…?”

At the mention of his partner’s name (will they still be partners after this?), Steve looks up at Doris for the first time.

“Don’t. Just don’t.” Steve says with finality.

Doris stops, looking intently at her son, trying to figure out the right thing to say to sway him back on board. But Steve doesn’t give her a chance.

“You better go – you’ll miss your flight,” he says, and before Doris can say anything else, Steve heads down to the water, walks in without pausing, and starts to swim.


	2. Chapter 2

Danny starts talking as soon as Rachel opens the door, not giving her time to object to his presence.

“Rach, I need to ask you a huge favor. I know you haven’t been so happy with me as of late, but I really, really need this, and I hope that maybe you can remember a time when you didn’t hate me so much, and …”

“What is it Daniel?” Rachel cuts him off, her voice caring a tinge of annoyance, but something else as well… concern? He must look as bad as he feels.

“I’m going to New Jersey – today - for a week, well nine days, it’s a last minute thing and I know it's ridiculously short-notice, but I would really like to take Grace with me. I know it’s your week, but I will trade you for the next week and any other short notice changes you need to make in the future. Please, Rachel, please, I really need this right now.”

“Danny, has something happened? Is your family OK?” Definite concern there now. Rachel and his family always got along great; they were nearly as upset as he was when the two of them separated.

“Yeah, yes, everyone’s fine. I just need… I just need to be back home. I need to think about some things and I need… I need Grace with me. I swear Rachel, I’m not going to take her and run off with her or do anything crazy – I just really need to be with my family right now and Grace is the most important person in my family.”

Danny hates this; hates begging Rachel for things. Hell, he hates _asking_ her for things. This, the pleading he hears in his own voice, makes him cringe.

Rachel pauses, looks intently at Danny, and considers. They’ve certainly had their ups and downs, but in recent months they’ve come to a bit of an uneasy truce. And there’s a part of Rachel still cares for Danny. She can still read him – it’s always been so easy to do, really - and she can see he is hurting in way she hasn’t seen since she told him she was leaving.

Rachel nods slowly, “OK, Danny,” she says softly, and the relief that comes over him is palpable.

“A plane ticket at this short notice will be awfully expensive,” Rachel points out, unnecessarily. Danny knows exactly how expensive it will be – it made him shudder a little when he had looked online.

“It’s not a problem,” Danny lies, knowing he’ll be paying off that credit card for months, or longer.

Rachel knows she will always feel a little guilty for essentially forcing Danny to move away from his beloved Garden State; bringing him to this expensive island where he must struggle to make ends meet  _and_ dote on Grace the way he does.

“Danny… perhaps I could help with Grace’s ticket…”

Danny’s hackles go up immediately; his fight with Steve comes roaring back to the fore of his brain. Christ, does everyone view him as some pathetic asshole who can’t take care of his own daughter? Danny’s annoyed and offended, but he doesn’t want to say anything to anger Rachel and have her change her mind. Instead he sighs a weary sigh and says, "Thank you for that very generous offer, Rachel, but that won’t be necessary. I can buy Grace’s ticket.”

Rachel pauses and looks at him, as though she’s weighing the veracity of that statement. Then, “OK – why don’t you go tell Grace and I’ll start gathering some things for her to pack,” she steps back and opens the door wide so he can scoot past her.

“Thank you, Rachel – really, thank you,” Danny says with true sincerity, and moves quickly to find his daughter.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

After packing Grace's things, they head to Danny’s so he can pack, too. As they’re getting ready to leave, he impulsively leaves his phone on the kitchen counter. If he brings his phone, he may be tempted to call Steve - probably to shout at him, if he’s honest. But as mad as he is right now, he’s still worried as hell about what Steve might be walking into with Doris, and he doesn’t want to do anything that could put Steve at risk. Who knows? One ill-timed call could have disastrous consequences and Danny won’t take that chance, despite the fact that he’s seething now. And anyway, Grace will have her phone, so Rachel can get in touch any time she might need.

They catch a 2:00pm flight from Honolulu and arrive at LAX with little time to make their red-eye connection and have to run for the next flight. As they are taxiing from the gate, Danny realizes he hasn’t actually called his family to let them know he’s coming. Shit. It’s already too late to call - his parents are not night-owls. Oh well, he supposes it will just be a bigger surprise when they show up tomorrow.

Both flights, while uneventful, are at times fairly tortuous for Danny. He tries to keep his exterior demeanor excited and happy for Grace, while inside he is in turmoil. Thankfully, Grace sleeps though most of the second flight - both for her sake, and his - as it allows Danny some space to let his guard down and openly stew in his temper. The hurt of a few hours ago has definitely turned to deep-seated anger now. He’s so mad about the low-blow Steve delivered that he fidgets all the way to New Jersey - it’s a long time with nothing to distract him but his own thoughts.

He is still in a bit of shock about what had transpired between him and Steve that morning. He replays every moment of the argument over and over in his mind, trying to get an angle on how it could have been averted, but comes up empty. Maybe if he’d kept his mouth shut about Doris, but he couldn’t in good-conscience do that.  The way she kept flitting in and out of his life, showing up when she needed his skills and casting him aside once she had what she'd come for, was reprobate.  Danny was afraid that one of these days, it was going to get Steve killed, so there was no way Danny could have let his concerns go unspoken. If he did, and something happened to Steve, he’d never have been able to forgive himself.

Mostly, though, he can’t believe Steve had actually said the words he had. Danny knew he held some of the blame, for forcing the point about Doris, but Christ, the viciousness with which Steve had come on the attack had thrown Danny for a loop.

Danny had thought he and Steve were better friends than that; not the kind to level venomous personal attacks. He thought they knew each other too well, and cared too much, to go after those dark, painful corners of each other’s psyche. Hell, he doesn’t need Steve to say those things to him, Danny's subconscious takes care of it all by itself, thank you. Steve _must_ know these are the thoughts that keep Danny up at night and that he struggles, daily, to hold his insecurities in check when it comes to Grace.  He's voiced his insecurities to his partner in his weaker moments and Steve had always shored him up, reassuring him in every way.

And Danny had often clung to those words of reassurance - trusting Steve to see what he sometimes could not.  Which was why this was all so painful.  Steve had taken that and thrown it back at Danny with a ruthless cruelty that he hadn't known Steve possessed.

As they begin their descent into Newark, Danny tries to shake off his melancholy.  He takes a deep breath, hoping that this trip (retreat?) will achieve its intended goal of helping Danny get his head back on straight and figure out where the two of them might go from here.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

When Steve pulls into Five-O HQ parking lot at 10:00am the next morning, it’s disconcerting, but not surprising, that the Camaro isn’t there. Steve strongly suspects he’ll find Danny’s letter of resignation on his desk when he gets there, and he heads up the stairs, feeling a bit like a condemned man on his way to execution.

The bullpen is empty and he walks resolutely to his office – no point in delaying the inevitable. But he lets out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding when he sees nothing waiting for him on his desk.

Regulations state that letters of resignation must be written or typed, and a signed hard-copy given to your immediate superior. Danny is nothing if not committed to proper police procedure, so Steve’s not worried about opening his email. He is, however, aware that just because Danny hasn’t resigned from Five-O yet, doesn’t mean that he still won’t.

Steve walks over to Danny’s office and pokes his head in. There’s no sign of Danny (not a surprise), but nothing looks amiss or out of the ordinary either. Another small sigh of relief.

The day before, he had swam until he thought he might actually go under, counting stokes and ignoring the raging storm in his head. When he finally staggered out of the water an unknown amount of time later, he walked quickly across the lanai, past the two chairs sitting side by side. He purposefully did not give them a second glance, not wanting to acknowledge what they had come to symbolize.

Walking straight into the kitchen to the refrigerator, he grabbed a Longboard and popped it open, downing half of it in one go. He grabbed a second one for good measure and headed for the living room where he sat on the couch, blanking his mind and trying deliberately not to think about all that had happened that day. Several beers later, he staggered up to his room, collapsed onto his bed and passed out.

When he had awoken this morning at 9:00am (with a monster headache), he had showered, dressed and driven to work, all the while trying to work out exactly what he would say to Danny when he saw him.

He knew he had to apologize; knew he had crossed the line. The things he had said to Danny were possibly unforgivable. And the worst part was, he didn’t even believe the words he had said. Christ, anyone who knew Danny and Grace knew he was about the best dad in the world. There wasn’t anything Danny wouldn’t do for his daughter. And Grace… Grace was the most balanced and down to earth kid he had ever known – and a lot of that was down to Danny.

Steve’s gut roiled with guilt. He knew Danny so well... he knew when he was mounting his attack on Danny that what he was saying wasn't true – and worse, that they are the very things that Danny is most insecure about. Thank you United States Navy for teaching him to fight to the last breath! In the heat of that moment, he had let his instincts take over and they had done a masterful job.

He was pre-eminently pissed at himself for letting Doris manipulate him in the first place. He knew the minute she had shown up on his doorstep that it couldn’t be good. And when she asked him to blindly follow her into who-knew what, he knew it was stupid to say yes.

If she weren’t his mother… _damn it!_ Why couldn’t he stop the games with her? He knew she was playing on his emotions. He knew at her core she was cold and calculating. And he still didn’t know if she actually even cared about him. And that was really the crux of it all, wasn’t it? He wanted her to care – wanted her to be just his mom, and not… whatever the hell she was. He wished they could recapture those lost years; she knew that, and she played him perfectly.

“Son,” she had said. “I need your help,” and “only you can help me, Steve.” How’s a boy supposed to say no to his mom when she says that?

But, shit. He had really fucked up this time, and as soon as he saw Danny, he would literally prostrate himself to seek forgiveness if necessary. He wasn’t so proud that he wouldn’t own up to his mistakes, certainly not to Danny, who is probably the best friend he’s ever had. After everything else, and everyone else, he’d already lost, the thought of losing Danny too, is almost too much. As he turns back from his partner’s office, he prays to a god he doesn’t really believe in that he hasn’t done irreparable damage.

“What are you doing here?” Chin asks, walking into the bullpen.

“I work here,” Steve replies, with a nonchalance he doesn’t really feel.

“Danny said you ‘had a thing’ and would be gone for a while,” Chin replies, looking a little confused.

“Yeah, it got cancelled. Where is Danny?” Steve asks casually.

“Uh… he went to New Jersey, brah,” comes Chin’s answer, clearly puzzled now. It isn’t like the two partners to be so out of sync with each other that neither seemed to know where the other was.

“New Jersey?” Steve says with surprise, concern rising dramatically. “What? Why? Is everything OK?”

“Yeah, I think so. He called yesterday, said you'd be gone for a while and he and Grace were headed back home for a bit. I was surprised too – he was a little vague about the reasons for the trip – but he said he cleared it with the Governor, so…” He stops, eyeing Steve.

Chin has a way of saying a lot without saying too much. The unspoken words hang in the air: 'What’s going on between you two'?

Steve ignores it as his mind lingers on the fact that Danny had said he was headed home. Steve had thought that Danny had finally come to consider Hawaii his home… maybe not anymore. “Did he say when he’d be back?”

“Not specifically… next weekend I think,” comes Chin’s reply.

“Listen, I’ve got some things to take care of – hold down the fort, will you – call me if anything comes up.” And with that, Steve bolts from the building, not giving Chin the chance to probe further.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

Once Chin told him Danny had gone to New Jersey, Steve can’t really stop himself from going directly to Danny’s house. He lets himself in with his key and looks around to see if he can glean anything about Danny’s state of mind.

He is surprised to see Danny’s cell phone on the kitchen counter. More than just surprised – it makes him more worried than he already was. He doesn’t know if Danny left it on purpose or by accident. If he left it on purpose, it might signify his intention to leave everything about Hawaii behind. He would never leave Grace – but he might pack up and move to Las Vegas if he felt like he had nothing to stay in Hawaii for. If he left the phone by accident, it seem equally disheartening – they all rely so much on their phones that leaving it accidently could be an indication of Danny's turbulent emotional state at the time.

He doesn’t want to snoop too much – he’s not actually a crazy stalker - but he is hoping to find a copy of Danny’s itinerary so he’ll know exact when to expect him back. There’s no sign of one in the kitchen or living room so he pokes his head into Danny’s bedroom. Signs of a hasty departure can been seen: drawers slightly askew; closet door open. But no sign of his travel plan, so Steve heads back out to his truck and leaves.

He assumes Danny will be gone until at least the following weekend. Steve hates that he has to wait that long to resolve things between them. He already knows what he needs to say – now he just needs the opportunity to say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed a tiny plot idea from the Keeliethompson1 story "Rocks of Salvation" over in the Sherlock fandom. Credit where credit's due... (and if you're a Sherlock fan, go read all of her stories - they're fantastic!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Danny...

 

 

Danny wakes up in his boyhood bedroom (Christ this bed is uncomfortable!) at – what the hell time is it anyway? He’s tired - he thinks he’s still suffering from jet-lag with the time-zone change, even after 6 days. But he can hear Grace talking excitedly to his mother in the kitchen, so he drags himself out of bed and heads that way.

Grace’s face lights up when she sees him (God, he loves his girl so much). “Danno! You’re up!”

“Hey, Monkey! What are you so excited about?” Danny can’t help but grin.

“Grandma and Grandpa said we can go to the Statue of Liberty today with Riley!” Grace bubbles.

“Really? That’s awesome!” Danny replies, feigning an enthusiasm he does not actually feel. He’d happily take Grace anywhere, but he can’t say he’s excited at the idea of the lines and crowds at the biggest tourist draw in NYC.

“Not you, honey – you don’t get to go,” his mom says, giving Danny a knowing smile. “You’re expected at Fiona’s this morning. She wants your help with something.”

“Oh, she does? And what exactly would that be?” asks Danny dubiously.

“Don’t ask me. I didn’t ask and she didn’t tell,” his mother quips.

Danny quirks a look at her phraseology. Was that a subtle reference to the military policy of “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell?” Is his mother possibly, obliquely, questioning whether he might be here to come out to his family? Danny almost laughs at the irony of that.

During past visits, he’s noticed his family sometimes gives him funny looks when he’s talking about Steve (which, admittedly, might be a lot). Danny hasn’t talked to anyone about his burgeoning attraction toward his partner – not even Steve himself. It’s something that’s just been niggling at the back of his brain for a while, and he had thought that maybe those incipient feelings were reciprocated. Now, though… it’s not the right time for that conversation, and in light of recent events, that day may never come.

Ultimately, he decides that his mother is neither that subtle, nor quite that clever.

Their visit so far has been loud and 'typically-Williams', with the entire extended family gathering for meals and excursions; yelling and laughter in equal measure. Truth be told, Danny has had little time since arriving in his home-state to stew over the event of the previous week, his mind distracted by happier things. It had hit him after a couple of days that this was exactly why his immediate impulse was to abscond to New Jersey: for the love and comfort of his family. He’d thought he was running away from Steve, but in fact, he realizes he was running _to_ this. And the warmth and insanity of his family was allowing him to largely forget about (or at least ignore) the thing that had driven him here in the first place.

He knows his family all wonders why he is here so unexpectedly. They have all been giving him side-long glances – and he’s caught them giving questioning looks to each other. So far, Danny has managed to avoid the conversation he knows they want by keeping Grace and/or one of his nieces or nephews close at hand. He has volunteered to take them all manner of places to avoid being alone with his mom – the family inquisitor. And luckily, she is an 'early-to-bed/early-to-rise' kind of person, so he easily stays busy until she begs-off for the night.

But today is sort of blissfully quiet and peaceful. He’s sitting on his sister’s patio (Christ, he loves that they have patios in New Jersey, and not lanais) in the sun - Grace off to the Big Apple with her grandparents and cousin. Fiona (‘Fee’, as he has called his older sister since he was a toddler and couldn’t quite get his mouth around the whole thing) has settled him in an Adirondack chair and gone to get coffee. Danny can’t help himself and he dozes a little while he waits for her to come back out to reveal what she needs his help with.

Out of the blue, though, Fee blindsides him, startling him from his light sleep. “So, Daniel, what the hell is really going on?” Fee lets loose as she hands him a cup of coffee.

Damn! Double-teamed and hit with a sneak-attack by Fee! It might be an indication of his chaotic state of mind that he hadn’t seen that coming.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Danny responds, trying to delay the inevitable, but knowing full well that she isn’t going to buy it.

“Right,” Fee snorts with a dubious look. “You show up here with Grace, with, _literally_ , no advance notice, and you expect us to believe nothing is wrong?”

Danny is silent, looking at his coffee, not quite sure how to respond.

“Look… Danny… mom and dad are freaking out.” Fee’s voice has softened. “To be honest, we all are, a little bit.”

Danny looks up at that, feeling genuinely remorseful. “Fee, I’m sorry. I never meant to worry anyone. Everything is fine, really. I just needed a break from that place – from the sun and the beach and the… paradise. I gotta sort through some stuff. But nothing terrible is happening. No one is dying. It’s just…” Danny waves his hand vaguely toward his head.

“What? You’re mental? I hate to break it to you little brother, but we all kinda knew that already.”

Danny huffs at that. “Oh, like you should talk! All the Williamses – you included - are touched in the head and you know it!”

“Yeah,” his sister squints at him intently. “What’s going on, Danny?” she asks again, this time with her 'bullshit’s over' tone.

Danny sighs. The members of the Williams family are nothing if not tenacious. He tries to figure out how to explain, but his relationship with Steve is sort of complicated and he’s afraid that anything he says will come out sounding like a whiney 14 year-old girl – and he’d never hear the end of that.

“Steve and I had an argument …” It’s the best he can do, and Danny pauses, unsure how to continue.

“Your partner,”… it’s not really a question.

Danny just nods.

“Ok… and?” Fee prompts him impatiently.

“Look… Steve is… he’s more than just my partner…”

Fee’s left eyebrow raises at that – a look she has mastered and should patent - but she doesn’t say anything.

“No, it’s not like that. Well, not yet anyway. Steve and I are close… really close, I think… I thought. I mean, he’s my best friend and the best partner I’ve ever had. And… but he’s got a shit-ton of baggage that makes him… not like the rest of the human race.” Danny is aware how incoherent this is sounding.

“Aarrgghh! Basically, we had a disagreement, and somewhere along the line it got derailed, and he said some things that… that I don’t know if I can forgive.”

“And you didn’t add any fuel to the fire?” Ah, this is what he loves (or hates) about his sister - no bullshit.

“No,” Danny says with conviction.

The eyebrow again.

“OK, yes, we had words, both of us, and I had a few for him - but they were all on-point! His were… personal… about Grace. Or rather about me being a shitty father, or something to that effect.”

Another snort. “Does he know you?”

Danny gives her a tired look and sighs. He thinks for a minute and continues, “I don’t know. Every parent wants to believe they’re good at it – that they’re not screwing-up their kid, right? But, some of what he said, maybe it hit a little too close to home.”

“Oh, please! Danny, anyone who knows you and Grace, knows that you are the most invested and dedicated father in the world. Jesus, I’ll never admit I said this so if you repeat it, I’ll deny to my dying day, but the rest of us are more or less in awe of how great a parent you are. None of us would have ever thought that you had it in you, but you do an amazing job of it!”

Danny smiles a little at the back-handed compliment – typical Williams.

“I’ve been listening to you talk about Steve for - what - four years?” Fee continues. “So, if he knows you at all – and I think he must if you are as close as you say you are - then you know that he can’t possibly have really meant it.”

“I guess…maybe… And I do thank you for those nice things you said. It’s just that when Rachel and I were going through everything – near the end, we argued… a lot. It got pretty bad and she said some things – OK, in the interests of full disclosure, we probably both said some things – that in retrospect, I think we both knew there was no coming back from. As much as I hated the divorce, I think I started to realize it was inevitable ‘cause there was no way we could ever be the same.” Danny digests the fact that this is the first time he’s ever really acknowledged this, even to himself.

“Did you say things to Steve that there’s no coming back from?”

“I don’t think so, no. I know why he got pissed-off, but it was normal disagreement stuff, you know? I didn’t go there with Steve. After Rachel, and what I saw it did to us, I don’t think I have it in me to throw that kind of venom around. Jesus, Fee... I just don’t think I can go through that again.”  There is real sadness in Danny's voice.

“Did you tell him that?”  Fee asks softly.

“There wasn’t time. The shit hit the fan and I left – a few hours later Grace and I were on a plane to Jersey,” Danny says a little sheepishly.

“That’s super awesome and mature of you, Bro!” Once again, Fee let’s nothing slide.

“Shut up! I know! …Jeez!” Danny is both grimacing and laughing now. “What the hell – I don’t know what the hell I’m doing - or what I should do.” He puts his head back and looks up at the sky.

“Well, I guess you need to decide if there  _is_ any coming back from this. But either way, I think you gotta let it go. Really, Danny, holding on to your anger and holding grudges doesn’t help anything – it doesn’t make you feel any better. In fact, it pretty much always just makes you feel worse. So, if you want my advice, I’d tell you to either forgive and forget, or put an end to the whole thing - but one way or the other, move past it.”

“You make it sound so easy,” he rolls his head sideways to look at her.

Fee shrugs, “In the end it will be. You’ve got good instincts Danny, it’s why you’re a good cop. Trust your gut.”

Danny eyes his sister with suspicion. “When the hell did you turn into such a wizened sage?”

“Ha! I’ve always been – you were just too distracted by your hair to notice!” Fee laughs as she heads inside to make more coffee.

Danny smiles.  He actually is a bit surprised at the insight in his sister’s advice. She’s absolutely right; he can’t hang onto this hurt and anger anymore.

Danny thinks about all the relationships in his life – how they have helped total the sum of who he is. Old girlfriends had laid the groundwork for understanding what he could and could not accept in a potential partner. He’d thought he had finally found his ideal in Rachel, and for a while he had. And as painful as the end was, he wouldn’t trade the experience or the wisdom-gained from it for anything (except maybe it not happening at all). Even his short-lived and ridiculous fling with Amber has taught him something: as sweet as she was, he now has a clear understanding that he isn’t cut out for a relationship that isn’t grounded in substance.

He’s watched his own parents’ marriage - their highs and lows - and his siblings’. There were 6 marriages between all of them, and each had provided Danny with a better understanding of how to do things, both poorly and well.

Danny considers the sum of Steve’s relationships as he knows them: a mother that had left (faking her own death, for Christ’s sake!), when Steve was young; a father who sent him away and then was murdered before they could achieve any kind of reconciliation; a sister who has largely been far away for most of his life.

Danny doesn’t know a whole lot about intimate relationships Steve has had as an adult - Steve hasn’t mentioned any - but he would lay odds that there haven’t been many. The Navy doesn’t exactly provide the best opportunity for long-term, stable relationships; the life of a SEAL certainly can’t be conducive to successful coupling.

His 'thing' with Cath was the only relationship that Steve has had - that Danny is aware of - since they met four years ago, and that was hardly an epic love story. Yes, they were suited to each other, but they had never seemed particularly serious or committed. And that was over; fizzling out with a whimper of indifference, rather than the bang of passion.

A lifetime of absent or dysfunctional relationships meant that it probably shouldn’t be particularly surprising that Steve had reacted the way he did, lacking the skills and experience to know better.

But dammit, it’s not an excuse. And Danny refuses to go down that road again. He doesn’t know exactly what had been going through Steve’s head, but Danny does know that he will not put up with the kind of scathing attack that Steve had leveled at him. If nothing else, it’s important for Grace; it’s important that she see first-hand what is, and is not, a healthy relationship. But really, when it comes down to it, he knows it is important for himself. For Danny, it’s too painful to fight like that and he won’t put himself through it again – end of story. Finito.

By the time Fee gets back with more coffee, Danny has made a decision. He knows what he needs to do and now he’s going to set this aside and just enjoy the last few days he has with his family. God knows when he’ll get here again – especially with Grace – and he doesn’t want to squander any more time dwelling on it.

“OK – you know what, Fee, I’m good. You’re right – it’s stupid to wallow in this – I am moving on. I am releasing my negative feelings into the universe and letting them get swallowed up by a black hole. Now you can go back and report to mom that I’m not dying, everything is fine, and you can all stop worrying.”

“You sure?” Fee confirms.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I really am,” he says with the first genuine smile he thinks he’s smiled in a week. Fee seems to accept that he’s telling the truth.

“Ok – I’m glad you’re not dying or anything like that,” and then she pauses for a few seconds…

“So… now can we go back to ‘well, not yet anyway’?” Fee asks with a particularly devilish gleam in her eyes.

It takes Danny a few seconds to catch up and, when he does, he barks out a laugh. God, he loves his family.


	4. Chapter 4

Danny and Grace say their good-byes at his parents’ house and take a cab to the airport; he doesn’t wish that Newark Airport traffic on anyone. All things considered, it’s been a great nine days. He’s reveled in the love and affection of his parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. Grace has had a great week with the Williams clan and she’s been spoiled rotten (except that Grace could never be rotten).

Watching his family wave them off from the porch causes a pang in his chest. He has no idea when he might see them again and he hates that. And he also thinks, with some sadness, and not for the first time this week, that Steve has never had what Danny has here in New Jersey.

These thoughts of Steve quickly turn into ones of muted panic as he lets himself dwell on the possibilities of where his partner might be and what he’s been doing for the last week or so. He says a prayer that Steve is OK and hasn’t been hurt or, god-forbid, killed, on Doris’ latest adventure.

On the flight home, the worry begins to overwhelm him. Why the hell did he leave his phone? What the hell had he been thinking? What if Steve had tried to call him? Regardless of the rift between them, Danny would never wish for Steve to end up alone in the field without someone he trusts to call on to back him up.

He knows Steve trusts him. He even knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that Steve trusts him considerably more than he trusts Doris. In fact, that’s probably what put Steve on the defensive in the first place: Steve was fighting his instincts when he disregarded Danny’s concern in favor of Doris, and that had undoubtedly made his partner uncomfortable.

He also knows Steve loves him, and he loves Steve back. Hell, they’ve been throwing the three-word endearment around for months, ever since the garage bombing when they both apparently realized that life is too short not to acknowledge the important things. But the love and trust between them was never in question; rather, the issue is Steve’s inability to reign himself in and stop himself from leveling a personal attack on Danny.

He has no idea when he might see his partner again.  He just prays that Steve will show up alive and well back in Hawaii – eventually - so they can finish this thing between them, one way or the other. He’s not entirely sure what will happen when they see each other again –  _if_ they see each other again. Steve was pretty angry when they parted, so Danny wonders if he’ll even get the chance to say what he’s decided he wants to say.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

It’s Saturday, and Steve is on edge – he has been for a week. Well, longer, really... since Danny left. He figures Danny and Grace are probably returning sometime today or tomorrow, but he doesn’t know for sure when.

He could ask Chin or Kono to hack into the airline’s computer, but then he’d probably have to explain why he doesn’t already know, and he doesn’t want to have that conversation with them. Despite his inner turmoil, he’s more-or-less been able to maintain his outer composure, but he’s pretty sure the rest of the Five-O team suspects something is up. They’ve all refrained from asking him outright - he’s not entirely sure why, but he’s not looking a gift-horse in the mouth.

But he really wants Danny’s flight information, so he does the only other thing he can think of to get it. It pains him to do so, but Steve takes a deep breath, and then calls Rachel Edwards.

Rachel sounds uneasy when she answers. “Commander?”

He hears the stress in her voice. Crap. Steve and Rachel aren’t exactly on friendly terms. Their paths cross only occasionally, and his involvement in the custody case did nothing to endear him to her. He hopes that she won’t stonewall him.

But then it hits Steve that the tension he hears in Rachel’s voice might not be about that. It’s probably because every other time Steve has called her, it’s been to deliver bad news: Danny’s been exposed to a deadly biological agent; Danny’s vengeful ex-partner has kidnapped Grace and forced Danny to shoot your husband; Danny had a building exploded on him and he was impaled by a piece of rebar… Jesus, of course she tenses when she sees his name on the caller ID.

“Rachel, everything’s fine – there’s absolutely no problem with Danny or Grace,” Steve quickly reassures her.

Her relief is clear, but she is still hesitant…“Okay…?”

“I’m really sorry to bother you, but I can’t seem to find Danny’s itinerary and was wondering if you could give me their flight information.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Rachel breathes a sigh of relief, and so does Steve.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

Tonight. Danny and Grace get home tonight. He lets himself into Danny’s house around 7:00pm. Their flight isn’t due into Honolulu until 10:30pm; add the time to get baggage, take Grace home and get her settled, and he doesn’t expect Danny home any time before midnight. But he can’t sit at home any longer, so Steve sits on Danny’s couch, his leg bouncing nervously, and ruminates some more.

Steve is a man awaiting his sentence, and the waiting is making him feel like he wants to crawl out of his skin. Things have been quiet at Five-O, so there’s been little to distract him from his thoughts of doom. He’s swam more in the last week than he probably has in the last month combined, but even that hasn’t worked to shut off the thoughts that plague him.

He hasn’t seen or heard from Doris since she left his house last week. A part of him wonders where she is and if she’s OK (as hard as he tries, he still can’t quite let her go completely). But it’s a very tiny part compared to the concern he has about what will happen when he finally sees Danny again. Honestly, his thoughts about Doris have been extremely fleeting… and mostly he’s just internally berated himself for defending Doris to Danny. Doris has never done a trust-worthy thing, and Danny has had his back from day-one.

There’s been little room in his head for anything but these thoughts and the question of where he and Danny will go from here. The stress of waiting and wondering has been overwhelming. He feels as though he’s on the edge of a chasm - just standing there until someone either pushes him in or yanks him back to safety. Since the first day, he hasn’t had anything to drink; that is not a path he wants to go down. He won’t drown his emotions in alcohol – he knows he needs to face this head on. He just wishes he could get to it already; he wants to know - one way or another - if he can fix this mess he made of his friendship with Danny. Truth be told, he fears he can’t.

Steve hasn’t known Danny to be a vindictive person, but he knows he stepped far over the line with the things he said when they argued, so Steve is preparing for the worst. But even if it is over between them, even if Danny tells him he’s leaving Five-O, even if he can’t forgive Steve, Steve will still apologize, because he doesn’t want that to go unspoken between them. He wants Danny to hear his remorse; he deserves that at the very least.

As he sits, his stoic exterior belies what he’s feeling inside; Steve wonders if in the past week others may have seen the cracks in his façade. He can’t really remember ever feeling emotions of this intensity in his adult life. This is more difficult for Steve than almost anything he’s ever faced. He purposely pushed emotional complications out of his head when he was much younger. That served him well in the Navy, and as a SEAL. Now, it occurs to him that emotional attachments may have their advantages – or at least their appeal. He  _likes_ being around Danny; he relies on his steady presence. Being around Grace makes Steve smile in way he doesn’t for anyone else. He can admit to himself that he has been a happier person, maybe even a better one, since the two of them dropped so unexpectedly into his life.

Steve had known Danny was important to him - of course. But this fear of losing him has made Steve appreciate just _how_ important Danny is. He realizes he had a flash of this understanding when he’d woken up in that collapsed garage and didn’t know where Danny was. The way he’s been feeling for the last several days is very close to the crippling panic of those few moments before he’d found his partner - alive - buried under concrete. But once he had found Danny that day, he had quickly shoved those prickly thoughts back down deep… and they had made him too uncomfortable at the time to take them out and reexamine them once they had both made it safely to the surface.

Yes, they had both admitted they loved each other that day – and in the days since – but those utterances didn’t seem to come close to the depth of emotion he is experiencing now. Steve is determined not to hide from those feelings anymore; he intends to let Danny know exactly how he feels. He will say whatever he has to say – do whatever he has to do – to make Danny understand how important he is to Steve, and hopefully, _hopefully_ , win his forgiveness.

Steve looks at his watch again. With luck, Danny will be home within an hour and this week-plus of torture will finally end, one way or the other.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

When Danny walks into his house it’s nearly 1:00am on Sunday morning. He is exhausted from flying halfway across the friggin’ world in a too-cramped economy seat. His back is killing him and he cannot wait to strip off his clothes, take a very long, very hot shower, and crawl into his own bed for the first time in nine days. The mere though if it is blissful.

But that will have to wait, apparently, because Steve McGarrett is sitting on his couch in his living room, and thank Christ he managed not to jump out of his skin and scream like a little girl at the unexpected sight.

His first thought is one of sheer relief – thank god, Steve’s alive. Then…Damn. He really, really doesn’t want to do this right now – he’s way too tired… and Steve is looking at him like he just killed Danny’s puppy. As a general rule, Danny does not like to see that look anywhere near Steve’s face. Its Steve’s face of profound anguish that Danny has caught glimpses of before: when he first met Steve in his garage shortly after his father was murdered; when Doris manages to _NOT_ be just his mom - _again_ ; when Steve heard that Malia was killed while he had been gone tilting at windmills. It’s a face that means Steve is tearing himself to shreds.

It suddenly occurs to him that Steve’s got this face on right now because maybe he regrets his words to Danny all those days ago… so not still in attack-mode... that’s something, at least.

Steve follows Danny into the kitchen, where the latter unloads his wallet and keys onto the counter.

“You left your phone,” Steve breaks the silence.

Danny looks down at where he set the device before he left, and then back at Steve.

“Yeah, well,” he replies wearily. “I was afraid I’d be tempted to call and holler at you, but since I had no idea where the hell you were or whether a ringing phone might get you killed, I thought, all things considered, it would probably be best to leave it.”

Steve huffs a small laugh at himself, thinking about how wrongly he’d interpreted it when he saw the phone sitting there last week.

“What?” Danny says, a little bit of sharpness in his voice. “You think that just because you behaved like an asshole that I don’t care if you get yourself killed?”

“No, I…” Steve starts, but then stops. He’s waited nine days for this, planned out exactly what he is going to say to Danny. But now that it’s here, he’s finds he’s tongue-tied.

“Well, I am sincerely glad to see that at least Doris didn’t get you killed,” Danny starts, unable to stop himself. But ‘fuel to the fire,’ he thinks, and stops himself from continuing along those lines.

“I didn’t go,” Steve says quietly.

Danny looks at his partner in surprise. That was something he had genuinely never considered.

Steve looks at Danny… this is it; it’s time to execute Operation ‘Fall On Your Sword’. He gathers his thoughts, takes a deep breath and starts, “Look, Danny…”

But Danny puts up both hands.

“No, stop. Just stop. You are not going to talk, you are going to listen. You are going to listen to everything I have to say – and you will  _not_ interrupt - and then we are done talking about his, and it will never be spoken of again.”

Steve stops. He schools his features, nods, keeping his eyes averted and waits for Danny to continue. This is it, he thinks – the end of their friendship, their partnership, their… potential. He won’t even get the chance to make amends; he screwed up too badly and there’s no coming back from this mother (ha!) of all mistakes. He begins to grieve yet another loss.

Danny can see Steve is thinking the worst, so he takes a deep breath, holds it for a second and exhales loudly – then he barrels quickly ahead.

“So here’s the thing. I’m giving you a pass on this one. Just this  _one_ time, you get a pass. Because I do not believe you truly meant the things you said to me regarding Grace.”

Steve’s eyes shoot up, startled. “I didn’t Danny…” he says, earnestly shaking his head.

“Quiet!” Danny barks and Steve stops immediately.

“So, I do not think you meant those things,” Danny reiterates. “But I think that you grew up without parental guidance at a critical time in your development and so you were not taught how to behave appropriately. And then you joined an organization that taught you to find your opponent’s weak point and exploit it to your fullest ability.” Danny’s hands are moving as per usual, but he’s too tired to work into his usual wild gesticulations.

“But I am telling you right now, Steven, that this will be the last time you go there – because in real, grown-up relationships…”

Steve’s brows rise at that.

“Yes, shut up, we have a relationship – and in real relationships, I am telling you, you do not go for the soft underbelly. That is verboten. Because when you are close to someone, and you care about them, yes, you probably eventually learn all of those weak spots, but you do not ever, under any circumstances, go for those spots. You just don’t. That is a basic tenant of civilized human interaction, but you, you did not learn these fundamental truths as an adolescent and young adult like the rest of enlightened society did.”

Danny is talking fast, so he pauses only to take another breath.

“So this time, _this one time_ , I give you a pass. But you better believe, Steve, and do not mistake this for anything but the most sincere truth I can conjure…” Danny cranks back his rant a bit now, softening his tone to give full magnitude to the seriousness of what he’s about to say. “…If you ever do it again, we are through, you and I. Because I could have followed Rachel and Stan and Grace to Las Vegas, but I did not. I did not, and I fought to stay here, and I am on this pathetic excuse of a land mass for only one reason, and I think you know that that reason is you. But I will not go down the path of mutually-assured-destruction with you that I went down with Rachel. I will not go through that again. Ever. You got that?”

Danny could say more – he has so much more he’s stored up and planned to vent. But he’s so friggin’ tired and the anxiety and stress of all of this is hitting him like a ton of bricks. And now it’s over and he realizes that there really isn’t anything more that needs to be said.

Steve is looking at Danny with wide eyes, not sure he really heard what he thinks he just heard. He is struck dumb, and can only nod.

And Danny can see that the look Steve is giving him is one of complete shocked-relief and determination. Steve, the super-SEAL, has a new mission: Operation Don’t Screw This Up. So Danny breathes a huge, internal sigh of relief because he is as sure as he can be that Steve gets it; he gets it and he won’t do it again. They are good. This… whatever it was… was just a glitch, a bump in road, and they will get past it. And, finally, _finally_ , the huge knot that had taken up residence in Danny’s chest loosens itself and he relaxes for the first time in over a week.

“OK… good,” Danny says, with a quick nod of his own head.

“Now, I need a shower almost as much as I need to breath, and then I need a solid 8 or 9 or 20 hours in my own bed, which I have been fantasizing about for nine days. So, go home, please. I’ll see you on Monday,” Danny dismisses him – because he really meant that last bit.

Steve starts to leave as directed, but then pauses. He feels like he needs to say something; to try to somehow convey his thoughts to his partner (his partner!) Because he is completely filled with utter relief and joy at being yanked back from the edge of the chasm. He’s practically buzzing with the magnitude of the feelings and emotions he’s experiencing right now... overwhelming feelings of love…

… of the love inherent in the words that had just come from Danny…  
… of the love he returns in equal measure…  
… and, maybe, Steve realizes, of being _in_ love…

 

Danny, having turned toward the bathroom, turns back, clearly exhausted, and sighs. “What?”

But Steve’s tongue-tied again, and, after a beat, all he can come up with is, “Good night, Danno,” hoping that he somehow manages to get the message across.

Danny has to stop himself from rolling his eyes a bit – but he does stop himself – because he’s looking at Steve and… message received.

Because Danny sees that Steve is looking at him in a way that Danny has never quite seen before, and is not quite sure how to interpret. This is a moment - for the two of them - he recognizes that. The beginning – perhaps - of something new.

“G’ night, Babe,” Danny says, smiling warmly, and heads to the bathroom and closes the door.

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

Monday morning, Danny pulls up outside Steve’s house. He beeps the horn twice and waits. After a minute he gets out of the car and heads to the house, letting himself in the front door. Steve is just walking into the living room. He has a tentative smile on his face – a little nervous, maybe. But Danny smiles back at him, a heart-felt smile, hands him the car keys, and they walk out the door together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm toying with the idea of an epilogue (maybe with a higher rating - eep!), but maybe I should just leave well enough alone? ... any thoughts?
> 
> Either way - thank you for reading!


	5. Epilogue- Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this continues the story of Danny and Steve’s relationship and where it went after their argument. There’s no big plot arc – just kind of slice of life and a sort of a final resolution to the argument.
> 
> I have no idea where the hell this came from… I guess this is what happens when I spend only a week working out a story, instead of months! For those of you that actually wanted an epilogue, I hope it doesn’t disappoint.
> 
>  
> 
> Warning for rating change! If you aren’t interested in a little smut, Chapters 1-4 are a self-contained story, so you can stop there without missing anything.

 

 

8 months later

 

“You never let me say anything,” Steve says into the silence.

 

This comes a little out of the blue. They are sitting in their chairs near the water; they’re both a little contemplative and not saying much to each other. Today had been rough. Danny knows that he scared Steve today.

 

After chasing some asshole-drug-dealer up onto the roof of a warehouse, Danny dove at him, and he and said-asshole flew over the edge. From the far side of the roof, Danny heard Steve yell, 'No! Danny! DANNY!' obviously unaware of the second roof just four feet below, that Danny had seen on his approach from the back, and that he and 'asshole' had just landed on. Steve had approached from the front and hadn’t likely seen the projection. From the frantic tone of Steve’s voice, there was little doubt that Steve had seen his partner disappear over the side and expected to find Danny broken and bleeding on the ground below.

 

When Danny heard Steve’s thunderous footsteps approach the edge, he looked up from his perch on the asshole’s back where he was tightening cuffs around his wrists.

 

“Danny!” Steve had said, wide eyes full of disbelief and relief, and then jumped down next to his partner.

 

“Hey, what’s up? ‘Bout time you got here,” Danny said, trying to make light of the moment.

 

The look Steve gave him threw Danny a little. It was a new, as-of-yet-unidentified, face. Danny wasn’t actually sure if his partner was going to hug him or hit him.  Apparently they were still working out the kinks in their relationship; a smartass statement like that would have earned him an equally smartass response a few months back, but now that things had changed, they were still figuring out where the new lines were drawn.

 

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

 

The day after Danny came back from New Jersey, he had picked Steve up as usual and things had continued from there as though nothing had happened. He could tell his partner was a little nervous – probably wondering if things would/could really return to normal. But Danny had meant what he said: he knew Steve hadn't meant the things he said, and all was forgiven. He gave Steve the car keys and their day had progressed on as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

 

And yes, as Danny had hoped, their relationship had eventually moved into new territory; he and Steve have been together, as in _together-together_ , for about seven months now. It didn’t take long after Danny’s trip to New Jersey for them to take the next step. It wasn’t exactly a direct result, but Danny knows the experience made them both aware of what they could have lost, and maybe made them move more quickly toward their inevitable conclusion.

 

They both had wanted to take the next step, but both had been tentative, too. Danny had never had an intimate relationship with another man before, and Steve hadn’t really had much in the way of a true intimate relationship at all. But in the end, it was pretty simple. They were standing in Steve’s kitchen one evening after work, bickering and laughing like they had countless times before, and Steve just impulsively bent his head down and kissed Danny. Quick, but kind of sweet. When he pulled back, Danny beamed and said something to the effect of:'“Christ, that took us long enough, didn’t it?'

 

That first kiss ended there for the moment, but after they had eaten their dinner and settled on the couch to watch a tape-delayed football game, they instinctively turned to each other and started again. It wasn’t too heated… just… nice. They kissed, and explored each other’s mouths, but unhurriedly. After the game ended, Danny got up (yes, with a fairly obvious erection) and took himself home.

  

Things progressed… slow-ish… both of them a little bit cautious about the new physical aspect to their partnership. Neither had doubts, but they weren’t in a rush. They just enjoyed each other in new ways. Kissing, that was one way – one really amazing way, as far as Danny was concerned. Steve really liked to kiss, apparently. When Steve latched onto Danny’s mouth with his, it was more or less all-consuming; Steve’s tongue sliding relentlessly against his. Yeah, Danny could live with this.

 

After a few weeks of easy kissing, one night things got a little more heated and before Danny knew it, Steve had pushed him over and was pretty much on top of him on the couch, grinding his hips against Danny's with his tongue down Danny’s throat. After a while, Danny couldn’t help but break their connection, gasping, “Jesus, you’re like a goddamn savant with that tongue of yours! I had no idea! Cath never let on that you had such skills!”

 

Steve, meanwhile was licking his way up Danny’s throat and to his ear, causing Danny’s entire body to twitch. Christ!

 

“No… not Cath… just you Danny… your mouth… I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone’s mouth like I want to kiss yours,” Steve mumbled against his lips, sounding ragged and a little desperate. And then he immediately latched on again. After several more minutes like that, Steve abruptly broke the kiss, uttered a shattered-sounding, “Danny…” against his neck, and then stilled. Danny lost his last shred of control at that point, wrapped his right leg around Steve’s ass and pull his partner hard against him. Grinding up against Steve’s hip a few times was all it took for Danny to find his own release.

 

They lay together panting for a few minutes, and then looked at each other and burst out laughing.

 

“OK… OK,” Danny said, still panting a bit, and giggling, “The next time we do this we are going up to the bedroom, because I am too old to be coming my pants like a teenager.”

 

“Agreed,” Steve said with a stupid grin, kissing Danny some more. Steve really liked the kissing. And, OK, yes, Danny did, too.

 

A few nights later, after dinner on the couch, Steve picked up the remote, turned off the TV, stood up and said, “Come on, Danno, bedroom.”

 

Danny visibly shuddered, “No, I am sorry my friend, but Danno is not going anywhere near your bedroom. In fact, the words ‘Danno’ and ‘bedroom’ are never to be uttered in the same sentence again, please!   Danno is what my daughter calls me and so that, Steven, is just creepy.”

 

Steve smiled, “Got it… no Danno in the bedroom… you coming, Danny?”

 

“Oh yeah – I am definitely coming, babe.” Steve rolled his eyes at the obvious double-entendre, but grinned wider and headed up the stairs, Danny close on his heels.  

 

They made their way to Steve’s bedroom, stripped down unabashedly, and lay on the bed together. It didn’t take long for their kisses to turn heated this time, and soon enough, they had their hands on each other. It was only a little bit weird for Danny – almost like an out of body experience or something - because he had his hand on a cock but he couldn’t feel anything. But then he could, because Steve’s fist grasped onto Danny’s cock and they were off to the races!

 

Danny had been slightly nervous about the sex at first - he would admit that - since he hadn’t ever done this with another man. But really, sex was sex, right? It’s just about finding pleasure and it didn’t really matter if the mouth and hands on you had and X or Y chromosome, did it? Clearly not, because what he was experiencing with Steve lately felt like the best sex of his life.

 

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

 

They waited a little while before telling anyone – not because they had any doubts, but because it was new, and felt fragile, and they didn’t want to add a whole lot of other people to their relationship while they were still figuring out how things would work.

 

They told Rachel first. Danny wanted to tell Grace first, but realized that if he did and then she accidently spilled it to Rachel, it would not likely go over too well. He and Steve devised a plan of attack – Operation Inform Rachel - accounting for every detail and every possible objection she might have.

 

It was seriously awkward. When the day came, Danny was nervous and tightly-wound, but once he arrived at her house, he braced himself and ploughed ahead. He was ready for every possible reaction – except for the one that he actually got. Much to his astonishment, Rachel just looked a little surprised, and then said, “Well, you seem happy, Danny.”

 

All plans and counter-plans now thrown out the window, Danny smiled and said, “Yeah, I really am.”

 

To which Rachel replied, “I’m glad,” and smiled herself.

 

Danny left feeling a little bit dazed and hugely relieved.

 

Telling Grace wasn’t awkward, except it kinda was, because how could it not be awkward to tell your 12 year old daughter essentially that, “Steve and I are having sex now.”

 

But she just squealed with excitement and threw herself into Steve’s arms, much to Steve’s obvious surprise but clear delight.

 

When they told the rest of the team, Chin just rolled his eyes, with a mumbled, “It’s about time”; Kono yelled, “I KNEW it!” with a huge smile; and Grover let out with a very perplexed, “What!?!”  

 

After a few seconds of general confusion, Grover was the first to push forward. “What the hell are you talking about? Jesus, half the time I’m convinced you two hate each other!”

 

“What?” All four of the other members of Five-O asked simultaneously, leaving Grover even more baffled.

 

Danny turned to Kono, “What do you mean, you knew?” he asked, eyeing her with suspicion.

 

“You two stopped saying you love each other… I knew you were together!” The intuitive young woman explained.

 

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Grover complained.

 

But Danny understood immediately. It hadn’t occurred to him until this minute, but now Danny realized that she was right – since he and Steve had gotten together, they had pretty much stopped publicly declaring their love for each other. He figured it was sort of an unconscious reaction they had both had – not that their previous declarations had been trivial, but they somehow seemed… less necessary.

 

“And when did you become such a good detective, Officer Kalakaua?” Danny asked, eyeing her with a grin.

 

“You know I learned from the best, boss!” Kono replied happily.

 

Besides their families (Mary, like Chin, rolled her eyes – “right… surf buddies”; and Fee just laughed) and the Governor, they didn’t really broadcast their change in relationship. They weren’t hiding it, but they also weren’t looking for trouble, and two cops in high-profile jobs coming out loudly and publicly might be asking for it. They talked about making a more public statement down the road, but for now, they were working though the ins-and-outs of this new thing between them and happy not to do it under a microscope.

 

And in public, their demeanor and interactions didn’t really change. It wasn’t even a conscious decision on their part – it just wasn’t how they operated. At work, they bickered like always, worked seamlessly like always, and had each other’s backs like always. They didn’t hold hands, look longingly at each other, or get any more physically demonstrative than they ever were before. On a couple occasions, when it was late and no one else was there, one or the other of them might have swooped in for a quick kiss good-bye as he headed out for the night without the other, but that was about it. They were still professionals and neither wanted their change in status to undermine anyone’s perception of them as being anything other than that.

 

At home, though, things _were_ different. Their demeanor and general interactions didn’t change too much; they still bickered and bantered as always. They sat on the lanai or watched a game on the couch.  Now, though, when they ended their evening behind the closed bedroom door, something entirely different occurred:  Soft whispers of endearments; gentle touches; and ragged declarations of ‘I love you, I love you’ … It was like they saved it all up for these moments and let loose all at once. In bed together, they were almost completely different people than they were during the rest of the day. In bed, they didn’t bicker with each other and they didn’t really banter; they were just _together._

 

And Steve was apparently set on making sure Danny knew exactly what he meant to Steve; almost losing Danny through his own stupidity made him resolute in his desire to show his partner.  He stroked and kissed and worshipped Danny in these moments; Jesus, Danny had no idea Steve had this kind of tenderness in him. He was like Steve-Version-2.0: looks the same on the outside but open it up and it’s a whole different edition.   And Danny returned the sentiment with equal fervor. He was pretty sure that they were both experiencing something completely new and different from anything either of them had had before.  

 

Yes, Danny and Rachel had loved each other – deeply – but they had never shared what he and Steve now had: a full and complete partnership, both literal and figurative. Danny had gotten up every day and left Rachel to go be a cop. She never really understood or accepted Danny’s drive to do the work he did, and ultimately, it had destroyed them. But Steve understood Danny to the very core of his being, and Danny didn't think he had ever felt as completely content as he now felt with Steve.

 

And Danny was pretty sure Steve had never had this either; both because Steve had told him so, but also because he didn’t think he had ever seen Steve look at Cath the way he looked at Danny. Danny could lose himself in that look. In the quiet of the bedroom, when Steve kissed him with the desperation of a thirsty man in the desert, Danny sometimes wondered what great deeds he must have done in a past life to deserve this kind of happiness.

 

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

 

The first time Danny gave Steve a blowjob, he was committed to sticking through to the end and swallowing, just as Steve had done for him the night before; his partner had initiated the escalation beyond mutual hand-jobs and frantic frottage. Steve had seemed unphased when Danny had gently pulled at him to let him know he was about to come, and had stayed exactly where he was.

 

“ _Steve,_ ” Danny then said with some urgency, afraid he hadn’t understood that Danny was on the verge of orgasm. But Steve just hummed and continued on, working Danny through it, and swallowing every last drop of his ejaculate without objection.

 

But when Steve came in Danny’s mouth the next night, Danny couldn’t help but jerk his head up and grimace at the bitter taste. He felt kind of bad about that since Steve hadn’t given any indication that he himself had found it objectionable.

 

After Danny composed himself, Steve had hauled Danny up, settled his partner against himself, and said (still panting a bit), “It’s OK, I know it doesn’t taste very good. It doesn’t bother me if you pull off before I come.”

 

“Sorry,” Danny said, a little sheepishly.

 

“Don’t be – it’s not a big deal,” Steve reassured him, and then bent to kiss him soundly. But Danny still felt a little bad about it.

 

Later, as they drowsed in bed together, Steve casually commented, “You know, they say eating pineapple makes your semen taste better.”

 

Danny scoffed. “You’ll try anything to get me to eat your adulterated pizza.”

 

Steve just smiled, but after that, Danny noticed the regular appearance of pineapples in Steve’s kitchen.

 

He probably would have continued to ignore them, except for the astonishing events of one night last week. Steve and Danny were in bed; Steve had already worked Danny over and Danny was now returning the favor. It had been six long days since they had gotten their hands on each other – consumed with a bastard of a case. Danny was messing with Steve a little, keeping him on edge and not letting him come; pulling back to just lightly teasing Steve’s cock with his tongue whenever Steve got close.

 

“Christ, Danny, give me a break, will ya? You’re killing me!” Steve rasped with incredibly fond exasperation in his voice.

 

Since he had asked so nicely, Danny showed some mercy and moved up the bed to put his mouth on Steve’s, using his hand to bring his partner to completion. Steve is typically pretty quiet during sex from years of quick, stealthy encounters in the Navy, so when he comes, at most, it’s usually with a grunt, or a soft, “Danny…” But this time, after Danny had wound him up so much, Steve let out a long, loud groan as he kept his hand firmly on the back of Danny’s neck, not letting Danny’s mouth escape for even one second. And that night, when Steve came, he came with such force that his semen landed high on his chest (and, yeah, Danny was a little proud of himself for that).

 

Steve didn’t release Danny’s mouth but Danny didn’t mind. He loves kissing Steve, so he let him keep up his oral assault while Danny continued to work Steve’s cock. Danny noticed early on that, unlike himself, who finds he is almost painfully sensitive after orgasm, Steve likes to be stroked long after he comes, until he’s almost completely soft. So Danny kept his hand moving steadily up and down on Steve’s cock, waiting for his erection to flag.

 

But that night, Steve’s cock didn’t really soften up much, even after a few minutes. In fact, Danny realized that Steve’s familiar post-orgasm, languid kissing, was turning much more heated, and Steve’s cock was getting _harder_.

 

After a couple more minutes, Danny couldn't help himself and he broke off from Steve’s glorious tongue and panted, “Jesus Christ, you’re hard again!” with no small amount of surprise in his voice.

 

“Mmmm,” is Steve’s only response as he pulled Danny down so he could resume shoving his tongue down his throat.

 

Danny was pretty fucking impressed by this, so before long, he broke the kiss (causing Steve to utter a small whimper), and slid back down Steve’s body, taking up position between his legs again.

 

“Jesus!” Steve practically yelled, putting his hands on Danny’s head, not forcing anything - just making a connection. Danny didn’t mess with Steve this time; he got right to the point with his mouth, using all of the moves he’d come to learn that Steve loves. Before long, Steve gasped out, “Oh god… Danny… I’m gonna come again!” And when Danny looked up at him he saw Steve staring back, eyes dark and wide, apparently surprised, himself.

 

And Jesus, if that wasn’t about the hottest thing _ever_! So Danny was inspired and instead of pulling off, he redoubled his efforts with his mouth and _sucked_ , at the same moment that he took his right hand, slippery with spit, off Steve’s cock, slid it further down, and rubbed it quickly and firmly across Steve’s perineum and anus. At that, Steve’s body reflexively arched sharply off the bed (gagging Danny a little bit, truth be told) and he shouted – _loudly_ \- as he came down Danny’s throat.

 

Danny braced for the onslaught of bitter semen into his mouth, but damned if it didn’t actually taste a little sweet!  Danny was still working Steve’s cock, gently, with his mouth, when Steve grabbed at him and pulled him up.

 

“Come ‘ere… come ‘ere,” Steve mumbled, sounding desperate, as he grabbed the back of Danny’s neck with his left hand and pulled Danny’s mouth to his, again(!). Steve reached for Danny’s left hand with his right and settled it against his heaving chest, holding him there against the thrum of his heart. They kissed for a few more minutes while Danny let Steve enjoy his afterglow.

 

Eventually, when things slowed down and they separated, Danny couldn’t help but say, ”Jesus, that was so fucking hot! I do not have the words to describe how fucking hot that was!”

 

“You… it’s you,” Steve slurred inarticulately. And Danny understood that he was giving Danny credit for that singular event. And since they were both completely exhausted, Danny just grunted and put his head in the crook of Steve’s neck, closed his eyes, and sighed contentedly.  

 

A little later, Danny was just about asleep when he heard Steve say, “Pineapple works, doesn’t it?”

 

“Really?” Danny replied. “Have you just been waiting for me to do that again so you could say that?”

 

“Kinda, yeah,” came Steve’s smug response.

 

“OK, yes, apparently the pineapple thing does work, so I will eat it - for you, because I love you – but never on my pizza!” Danny mumbled, incredibly fondly, but feigning outrage. And even though he couldn’t see him, Danny was pretty sure he could  _hear_ Steve smiling that blazing smile of his.

 

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

 

So things have been good between them, really good, in fact. Except that today, Steve went just a little bit crazy on the roof, and now things between them are quiet – in a not-good way. Danny isn’t entirely sure what’s going on with Steve. He gets that Steve was scared today; he understands that terrifying feeling – thinking you’ve lost someone. They are sitting in their chairs on the lanai and Danny has stayed quiet, letting Steve ruminate on whatever is bothering him; but he can’t quite get a read on where Steve’s head is at right now.

 

“You never let me say anything,” Steve says suddenly, apropos of nothing.

 

“What are you talking about, you talk all the time?” Danny’s kind of confused about Steve's train of thought.

 

“No – last year, when we…” but Steve pauses, then says, “…when you came back from New Jersey.”

 

That’s a surprise. Danny definitely didn't see _that_ coming and can’t imagine why it is coming up now. He eyes Steve carefully, but he isn’t quite sure what direction this is going, so he continues to stay silent.

 

“I just… there was so much I was going to say – but you didn’t let me,” Steve says, frustration evident in his voice.

 

“OK. OK, look… Steve… I’m sorry, it’s just… it wasn’t necessary. You didn’t need to say anything, or at least, I didn’t need you to. I knew 100% that you didn’t really mean it, and it was over as far as I was concerned,” Danny says.

 

Steve just sits quietly, staring at the ocean, a look of consternation on his face.

 

Danny watches his partner for a minute and softly asks, “What’s going on, babe?”

 

“It’s just… today… I was terrified – I thought… Jesus! I thought that I lost you – that I was going to look over that ledge and see…” Steve stops, apparently unwilling to verbalize the thought. “And it hit me that this was hanging out there, unsaid, and I don’t want there to ever be anything left unsaid between us.” Steve is looking at Danny now, his eyes dark with emotion.

 

“Ok, yeah… I get that, Steve. I’m listening. What do you want to say?” Danny asks.

 

Steve pauses for a long moment and Danny isn’t sure he’s going continue. He’s about to try to move the conversation in another direction when Steve clears his throat a little, so Danny stops. When he glances over, Steve is looking at him with fierce intensity.

“I’m sorry, Danny… I’m so sorry...” Steve’s voice actually cracks a little, choked with emotion, and he seems unable to go on. Despite what goes on in the bedroom, Steve is so tightly contained all other times that Danny sometimes forgets that he’s capable of strong emotion like the rest of the human race.

 

Danny reaches across the distance between the two chairs and grabs Steve’s hand. They don’t do this often – this (not even really) semi-public display of affection, but Danny knows now is a time to break unwritten rules if there ever was one.

“I know, babe – I know. I knew it then, and I know it now. But thank you for that,” Danny acknowledges, squeezing Steve’s hand.

 

“I love you, Danny, more than…” Steve words catch on his emotions again and he stops, unable to complete the thought.

 

“Yeah, I know. I love you too, babe.” Danny replies softly.

 

Steve smiles a small smile, rests his head back against his chair, and closes his eyes.

 

“Are we good? Can we be done with this now?” Danny’s voice is still gentle.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I guess I’m done – thanks for letting me say it.”

 

Danny stands up, bends and kisses Steve lightly on the mouth – it’s definitely time to break this mood. “You’re welcome. Come on – let’s go to bed. I’ve been on the pineapple diet for a week and I want you to tell me how well it’s working.”

 

Steve huffs and grins his grin that is only for Danny, stands up, grabs Danny’s hand and pulls him toward the house.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It looks like there will be one more chapter in this story and it will deal with a return of Doris.


	6. Epilogue - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue 2
> 
> Last chapter… Sorry this took so long! Somehow it ended up being more than twice as long as I had thought it would be. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> This follows immediately after the last chapter.

 

Steve and Danny make their way to the bedroom. The dark mood has definitely lifted as they head upstairs. But once there, things take a decided turn to the more serious again. Danny anticipated a possibly raucous night based on the light-heartedness of last 5 minutes when they had tried to make it all the way up the stairs without separating their mouths from each other once. The result was a lot of bumping into things and a lot of giggling. But once the door is closed, a shift occurs.

 

Steve looks at Danny intently, expressing volumes with his eyes. He takes Danny’s clothes off of him deliberately, and eases him back onto the bed. After quickly removing his own clothes, Steve joins Danny and leans in to kiss him, his attentions are unhurried but laser-focused. His tongue is slow-dancing in Danny’s mouth, moving with a care and a gentleness that is veering toward very intense, and Danny is already getting a little breathless because of it.

 

“Danny… I want… can I…?” Steve asks hesitantly, as he pulls back from the kiss.

 

Even though Steve doesn’t finish his thought, Danny knows what he is asking. They’ve talked obliquely about taking thing further, and Danny’s definitely not opposed to it in principal; he’s just nervous about it in practice. He wavers a fraction of a second.

 

Steve sees Danny’s hesitation and immediately bends to work open-mouthed kisses up Danny’s neck, his silken tongue sending waves of desire through Danny’s body. “It’s OK,” Steve mumbles, “never mind.”

 

Danny pushes Steve back a little so he can look him in the eyes. “No, Steve... I want to… I do. I’ve just… you know… I’ve never done that before.”

 

“Danny, really, it’s fine, we don’t have to…” Steve starts, now making his way down Danny’s chest and latching onto his right nipple.

 

Danny gasps at that, but before Steve can go any further, Danny stops him with a hand across his mouth. “Steve. Look at me,” Danny demands, and Steve’s eyes, dark and cautious, shift up to meet Danny’s. “I really do want this…”

 

Steve smiles a small, shy smile, and begins to manhandle Danny around the bed.

 

He puts Danny on his left side and spoons up behind him. He begins to runs his right hand up and down Danny’s chest, slowly dipping further down with each pass, all the while kissing the back of his neck, his shoulders, his ear, and breathing words of reassurance. When he finally takes Danny’s cock in hand, Danny is already mostly hard, and he can feel Steve is rigid too, his cock digging into Danny’s upper thighs.

 

“Danny,” Steve whispers reverently, slowly sliding his hand up and down Danny’s length, and Christ, that feels good.

 

Steve disengages for just a few seconds and Danny hears the snap of a cap; seconds later, Steve’s slick hand is moving inexorably down his length and behind his balls. Danny instinctively bends his right knee high into his chest, giving Steve better access. Steve doesn’t hesitate and slips one finger slowly into Danny, who gasps a little and tenses; it doesn’t hurt, exactly, but it feels strange.

 

“It’s OK,” Steve stays quietly, “tell me if it hurts – I doesn’t have to hurt.”

 

“No – it’s good – just a little weird," Danny grunts in response.

 

Steve hums a bit and gently pushes further in. And, it’s OK - kind of good, in a strange way - so Danny pushes back against Steve’s hand and utters a small sound of satisfaction.

 

Steve eventually adds another finger and then another. By the time the third breaches, Danny is not nervous anymore and he’s looking forward to headlining act. The sensation is like nothing he’s ever felt before, a burning stretch, ameliorated by Steve’s persistent efforts to slide his fingers over Danny's prostate. And holy Christ when he hits that, Danny whimpers and pushes hard back into Steve. By the time Danny hears the snap of the cap again, he is hard as a rock.

 

Steve finds his own hands are shaking a little as he slicks up his cock. “Are you ready?” he asks Danny, thinking he is probably more nervous than his partner is. The trust Danny has handed over to him is a little overwhelming; Steve worries about hurting Danny in more ways than one.

 

Yeah… yeah… do it.” Danny pants.

 

“Are you sure?” Steve may be implementing a slight delay tactic with this – afraid to start, and afraid that once he does, there will never, ever be any turning back. But he shakes those thoughts out of his head, because he knows - he really knows - that this is what he wants more than anything…this closeness, this intimacy, with Danny, and no one else, ever again. That, he recognizes, is more important than any fleeting concerns.

 

“Jesus, yes, have you ever known me not to tell you if I don’t like something you’re doing?! I’m ready!” Danny practically whines.

 

Steve smiles against Danny’s neck, grabs his hip and slowly nudges his cock against his opening. The first push in is startling; Steve’s cock feels much bigger than Steve’s fingers. But Danny shuts his eyes and exhales, long and slow, shuddering as his breath leaves his body.

 

“Still OK?” Steve asks, but he’s still smiling.

 

“Oh yeah, we’re good, babe. Keep going… please.”

 

So Steve pushes further in, very slowly; he couldn’t go any faster if he wanted to, he’s so overwhelmed by how hot and tight and so good it is. He pauses, afraid he’ll be overcome by everything – the stimulation, the emotional hit, the awareness that what they are doing feels more intimate than he’s ever been with anyone in his whole life.

 

Danny groans as Steve seats himself fully inside of him and stops. It is a extraordinary combination of pleasure and pain he’s never experienced before. Danny is completely relaxed; he is selfishly aware that he doesn’t want to move; he just wants to lay there and have this happen to him.

 

But then Steve scoots back a fraction and gently twists Danny’s upper torso so that his hips are still on his side, but his back is flush against the bed. Steve reaches across Danny, grabs Danny’s left hand in his right, and twines their fingers on the pillow next to Danny’s head. Steve is still laying on his left side, hips aligned with Danny’s as he begins to slowly, oh, so slowly, pump his hips. But now he can bend down to take Danny’s mouth with his own, easing his tongue in to slide it around Danny’s.

 

Of course - Danny thinks - it’s absolutely genius! Being on their sides allows Steve to gently pump his hips with an angle that isn’t too deep for this first time, but with Danny’s back lying flush, Steve can maneuver his tongue easily into Danny’s mouth. And even better, after a few moments, Steve releases Danny’s hand and snakes his own down between Danny’s legs to grip his cock. Danny jolts a bit and moans, and tilts his right knee up toward the ceiling, giving Steve unfettered access. Wrapping his right arm around Steve’s head, he tries to pull Steve’s mouth even tighter against his own, but he can’t quite figure out what to do with his with his now-free left hand. With his body twisted as it is he can’t really reach Steve to grasp on to him well, so he finally reaches up and grabs the headboard, hard enough that his knuckles turn white.

Steve is making a startling mewling noise that Danny has never heard before, and he thinks that it might just be one of the sexiest things he’s ever heard, so Danny presses back against Steve, meeting his hips, thrust for thrust.

 

Steve is beginning to be overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of what he’s feeling and realizes, almost too late, that he is very close to coming. But he doesn’t want this to end so soon, so he slows his rhythm and pulls off of Danny’s mouth. He begins to pepper kisses along Danny’s face: his cheeks; his temple; his ear; under his chin. Danny is breathing heavily and is having difficulty forming words. The best he can do is, “Steve…” along with tiny whimpers.

 

Steve is still sliding his hand up and down Danny’s cock, now wet with pre-come. He can feel Danny is getting close too though, so he stops, eliciting a distinct noise of frustration from his partner.

 

“Not yet,” Steve murmurs against Danny’s lips, stroking his hand along Danny’s thigh. “Too soon… not yet…” and slides his tongue into Danny’s mouth again, but the kiss is unhurried and languid.

 

Danny sighs a deep sigh and alters his pace to match Steve’s; he doesn’t particularly want this to end either.

 

They spend long, long moments kissing slowly, tongues wrapped around each other's, Steve’s hips moving only slightly… enough to keep him hard, but not enough to move him to the brink of orgasm. Steve reaches back down to Danny’s cock and finds it flagging a little, so he starts to stroke lightly and moves his mouth over to Danny’s ear because he knows it is one of Danny’s hot spots. Danny can’t help but arch his back as an audible gasp escapes his lips. Steve smiles against him and sticks his tongue deep into Danny’s ear, then sucks on his earlobe.

 

“Steve!” Danny says with a little bit of desperation in his voice, his hips drive back aggressively against Steve’s.

 

So Steve moves his mouth back to Danny’s and he deepens their kissing with an intimacy so aching that Danny doesn’t want to think about that right now.  It’s like what Steve is trying to communicate with his mouth, and his hands, and his cock, can't be put into words, but yeah, Danny thinks he gets it.

 

Steve starts to move his hips a little faster, and pushes deeper with each thrust. His right hand starts to work Danny’s cock more assertively, and Steve’s mouth… his mouth never stops.

 

Danny’s right arm squeezes around Steve’s neck, ensuring Steve does not take that glorious tongue away again anytime soon. He’s still got a death-grip on the headboard with his left hand, and it’s a good thing, because the bed is rocking now so Danny is able to use it to provide some leverage against Steve’s increasingly persistent thrusts.

 

Briefly, Steve thinks about how sex has never been like this for him before – not just a physical act, but a connection, pure and deep.   And although Steve still does not want this to end so soon – hell, he never wants it to end – he knows he’s rapidly losing control. As he is spirals toward ecstasy, coherent thought is diminishing in equal measure. He can feel Danny is getting close too, so he shifts slightly, giving himself a slightly better angle to fuck Danny even deeper.

 

After more long moments of their harmonized movements, Steve’s hips begin to move erratically and Danny knows he must be close. Danny is close too - but not quite there yet - when Steve releases a low groan and stutters to a stop. And thank god Steve takes only a few seconds to collect himself and resume his attentions on Danny. True to Steve’s predilections, he continues to work his hips, still moving in and out of Danny before his erection is completely lost. And Danny is eternally grateful that Steve loves post-coital stimulation, because he is really, really looking forward to the sensation of coming with Steve’s cock still in his ass.

 

Danny’s can feel his own orgasm building. Every exhale carries a small whimper now, causing Steve to redouble his efforts on every part of Danny’s body. Danny is breathing so hard that he’s afraid he’s going to hyperventilate, so he (regrettably) has to tear his mouth from Steve’s. The moment he comes - harder than he’s pretty sure he ever has before in his life - he can’t stop himself from throwing his head back with a cut-off yell, his entire body convulsing repeatedly, orgasm racking through him.

 

Steve is kissing his face, lavishing him with open-mouthed devotion, all the while, “I love you, Danny… I love you,” is spilling from his lips. Eventually, his hips slow and then still completely, and he pulls gently out of Danny’s body. Danny groans, and finally releases the headboard, twisting his entire body toward Steve. They lay together in each other’s arms, both panting and catching their breath like they’ve just run a four-minute mile, boneless and dizzy with awe and affection.

 

“That, we are doing again – soon,” Danny says, completely sated and thoroughly exhausted.

 

“Yeah, I’m good with that,” Steve replies, eyes closed but a contented smile on his face.

 

The stay there quietly, each of them lost in their own thoughts for a few more minutes, until Danny says, “Ugh, come on, get up, we need to shower.”

 

“No, that’s OK, I’m fine,” comes Steve’s sleepy reply.

 

“No way, I just let you fuck me, and now you and I are both going to take a shower before we fall asleep or we will both regret it in the morning. Come on… up…” says Danny as he heads toward the bathroom.

 

Steve sighs a long sigh, then gets up to follow; as much as he really wants to just lay in this cocoon they’ve created, he probably couldn’t refuse Danny anything right now. Beside, an old idea is flickering again in his head and he supposes he needs to be awake to talk to his partner about it.

 

Once in the shower, they wash themselves thoroughly and Steve, of course, turns his mouth back to Danny’s. It’s slow, and sloppy, and it’s not going to lead to anything else because they are both completely spent, but they pass a good few minutes like that anyway, just because.

 

When they finally stumble back to bed, Danny thinks they’ll both fall asleep immediately; it’s been an emotionally and physically exhausting day. So Danny is caught off guard Steve suddenly says, “Move in with me.”

 

“What?” Danny says, startled.

 

“You heard me – move in with me. You’re here most nights anyway. Grace has her own room here. It’s crazy for you to be paying rent at your place when you’re never there. And… I really want you here – all the time.”

 

“Really? You don’t think it’s good for us to have a little space from each other now and then?” Danny questions.

 

“Danny – you’re  _never_ at your place. If a need for space was going to be a problem, I think we would have figured that out by now.”

 

Danny is considering this and doesn’t answer.

 

“I’ll tell you what, we can convert my dad’s office to ‘Danno’s man cave’ – you can use it if you need space or whatever – I won’t bug you if you’re in there.”

 

“What about you? What if you need space?” Danny asks.

 

“I have the ocean. Danny, I’m not being impulsive - I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”

 

“You have?” He is a little surprised at that; they've been moving relatively slowly with this, and Steve has never alluded to them moving in together before.

 

“Yeah, I have. Think about it…please. I really do want you here – all the time. I don’t want this to be _my_ house – I want it to be _our_ house – mine and yours and Grace’s – It’s a house that should have a family in it and I want you here, as my family. Please.”

 

Danny doesn’t quite know how to respond. He’s a little choked up, to be honest. If Steve had posed this strictly as an economic issue, he’d probably say no – he’s never felt like that is a good reason to cohabitate. But Steve’s assertion that the house needs a family… that makes Danny melt a little bit at his core. He had felt so adrift for so long on this island…

 

“Yeah, OK babe – that sounds great, actually.” Danny says eventually. Steve smiles his ‘smile-for-Danny’ and bends down swiftly to kiss Danny some more.  

 

Later, Steve is starting to drift off when he realized that Danny isn’t sleeping, and since it’s usually Danny who drops into a coma after sex, he’s a little curious. “What?” Steve asks.

 

“What – what?” comes Danny’s tired but alert reply.

 

“You’re still awake… and quiet… are you having second thoughts about moving in?”   Steve really hopes that’s not the case.

 

“No – no second thoughts. Just thinking…” Danny doesn’t particularly want to give voice to his thoughts.

 

But Steve is persistent. “About…?”

 

“Nothin’,” says Danny again, hoping to deflect.

 

“No, come on Danny - don’t do that – nothing left unsaid between us, right?” Steve presses.

 

Steve _is_ right. There are some things that still need sifting-through – things that have been nagging at the back of Danny’s brain just like Steve’s need to apologize had been nagging at him.

 

Danny sighs, “OK – but let’s go back downstairs. If we’re gonna do this, I could use a beer and I don’t want to have this conversation in your bed.”

 

“ _Our_ bed.” Says Steve adamantly.

 

”Yeah, OK – _our_ bed – I still don’t want to do this here,” he says as he grabs his boxers and heads through the door. Steve looks after him with growing concern, but quickly gets up, throwing on some sweat pants and follows Danny downstairs.

 

Danny grabs a couple of beers and opens them – handing one to Steve who has trailed him into the kitchen. Danny sits at the table, but Steve stays standing, leaning up against the counter.

 

“What’s going on, Danno?” Steve is a little anxious, as he has no idea what Danny has on his mind.

 

“Last year, when I came back from New Jersey, you said you didn’t go with Doris.”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“Why not?” Danny tilts his head

 

Steve looks away for a moment. “After you left, it hit me what I’d done – the things I said to you…”

 

“We’re done with that – it’s fine,” Danny reassures him.

 

“Yeah – I know – but you asked me why I didn’t go – so I’m trying to explain. Anyway, I knew what I’d done was wrong and the things I said were completely out of line and not true… and it hit me that I never would have said them if Doris hadn’t figured into the equation. Once I calmed down, I knew you were right – that I shouldn’t just follow Doris on blind faith, especially when she has never given me any reason to trust her. I’m sorry, Danny, I should have listened to you from the start.”

 

“No, Steve, this isn’t about that.”

 

“What is it about then?”

 

“OK, maybe it’s a little bit about that. I guess… now that things have changed between us, I guess I’m wondering what happens the next time Doris shows up here…”

 

“We don’t know that she will,” Steve says, his voice taking on an edge to it.

 

“Humor me,” says Danny. “Say she shows up on your doorstep next week?”

 

“It’s OUR doorstep, Danny,” Steve quickly replies.

 

Danny makes a gesture conveying that he concedes the point and Steve should continue.

 

Steve looks uncomfortable. “There are still some things I need to do on my own…

 

“I’m not arguing that. An opportunity for sane dialog before you go chasing ghosts is all I’m looking for here.”

 

“Danny – what happened last year – that will never happen again, I swear.”

 

“I know – I believe you. But you not attacking me, and you and I sitting down to have a rational discussion can still be two very different things.”

 

“What are you asking?” Steve's look is penetrating.

 

Now Danny looks uncomfortable. He doesn’t feel like he really has any right to be making demands of Steve; they’re not married. And Danny hates the idea of being some sort of neurotic, clingy boyfriend. But this has been bothering him and he has opened up this can of worms so he figures he might as well find out where he stands here.

 

“I guess I’m asking you to talk to me before you make any decisions about chasing after Doris – and yeah, to consider me… and Grace… in your decision-making matrix.” Danny is sort of internally cringing now, but he continues on.

 

“Look, I know you just tonight asked me to move in with you, and I’m not trying to over-step here, but, shit, Steve, I love you, and it would tear me apart to have Doris show up here and have you disappear so that we have no idea where you are or if you’re safe. I mean, it was really hard when that happened in the past, but if it happened now… Christ, I don’t know how I would deal with that – especially if something happened.”

 

Steve clenches his jaw at that, but he doesn’t say anything and Danny continues.

 

“I guess I want you to say that if she asks you to go off on some fool’s errand, you would not go unless you know exactly what is going on and what you are up against. And I guess I’d like the opportunity to talk to you about it before you made a decision. And that if you did decide to leave, that you would keep me fully informed…”

 

Jesus! Danny stops himself. He can hardly believe what has just come out of his mouth - he and Steve have only just taken a next serious step - and did he just say that?  Danny barks out a hollow laugh and pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers and thumb.

 

“Christ - I sound like some sort of nagging wife. I’m sorry – forget it… I don’t know… never mind… really, just… forget it.”

 

Steve is watching Danny thoughtfully. He gets it, he really does. They are committed to each other – hell, Danny actually agreed to move in here with him – and if Danny disappeared without letting Steve know where he was going or what he was doing, he’d be panicked too. But he’s also not used to answering to anyone else and he’s not entirely comfortable with the notion. He’s not sure he can make that promise to Danny yet, so he doesn’t really respond to what Danny has just said.

 

“What if she shows up and just wants to see me?” Steve asks instead.

 

Danny hesitates. “That would be unexpected, but if she did, I’d like to think I would welcome her.”

 

“Really? You could accept her in my life? Just like that?” Steve asks, a little skeptically.

 

Danny just looks at Steve. He’s honestly trying to decide if what he had said could be true. _Could_ he welcome Doris in Steve’s life? But before he can form an answer, Steve continues, apparently misinterpreting Danny’s silence.

 

“What? I know you hate her, Danny.”

 

“Hate is a very strong word. Am I wary of her? Yes. Do I trust her? Not really. But, God, Steve, if you think that I don’t want you to have the things you want in life - including Doris if she's one of them - you’re crazy.” And Danny knows that he _does_ mean that – he really, really does.

 

“If she came here with pure intentions, Steve, yes, I’d be OK with that – it would be great, in fact.”

 

“Yeah? You would do that? Put aside your feelings?”

 

Danny looks up at Steve. “I would for you,” he says with fierce sincerity.

 

Steve is torn. He has such mixed emotions about Doris that he doesn’t actually even know _what_ he wants in regard to her. Deep down, he doesn’t believe they’ll ever have what they had when he was young, but he can’t let go of the pipedream. And he also doesn’t know what he wants from Danny in all this. Danny is his partner, in many ways, and Steve knows he should let him in. He appreciates Danny looking out for him – rationally questioning Doris’ motives when he’s too fogged by emotion to do so himself. But ironically, Steve also feels like Doris is his issue and he isn’t sure he wants Danny involved in or questioning his decisions, either. He sees the contradictions in his thought process, but he can’t tug the pieces apart enough to find clarity.

 

Steve scrubs his hand down his face. “Look – I’m tired Danny. It’s been a hell of a day, in a lot of ways,” Steve smiles at this, remembering the events of just a short while ago. “But I’m not sure I have an answer for you right now. I guess we’ll just have to cross that bridge if we come to it.”

 

 _When_ we come to it, Danny thinks, not _if_. But what he says is, “Yeah, let’s go to bed.”

 

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

 

Despite the uncertainty of where things stand with the Danny-Steve-Doris triangle, Danny finds he has no uncertainty about moving in with Steve, and a few weeks later, Danny has settled into his house on a permanent basis. The move didn’t take too long – with all his apartment hopping over the last few years, Danny has gotten in the habit of traveling light. So, one Friday night, he packed most of what he owns into a couple dozen boxes and when Chin showed up the next morning, they loaded them onto a rental truck. Most of Danny’s furniture will go into storage until he figures out what to do with it, so it goes on the truck as well.

 

When they arrive at Steve’s, he finds his partner in his father’s old study. The room has been completely transformed - it’s empty, it smells of fresh paint and there’s a good sized television mounted on the wall. Steve was apparently as busy as Danny the night before.

 

“What’s this?” Danny asks.

 

“I told you, ‘Danno’s man-cave.’  It just needs some of the furniture from your place. I thought your couch and chair and the side tables could fit in here,” Steve says with a shy smile on his face.

 

Danny is surprised. They hadn’t talked about that detail since it was first mentioned the night Danny had agreed to move in. He hadn’t really taken it that seriously. He is an adult and has lived with Rachel and other girlfriends before her – he doesn’t _really_ think he needs the space and he feels bad about dislocating Steve’s father from the room.

 

“Steve, you really didn’t have to do this. You should put your dad’s stuff back…”

 

“No Danny – it’s our house now and this is your space – I want you to have it, and its past time I move on from this anyway. There have been too damn many ghosts living in this house, you know? I’m looking forward to having more life around here with you and Gracie.” Steve smiles and bends and gives Danny a quick kiss, then heads out to start moving Danny’s things in.

 

Danny stands there a little dazed for a minute. When he looks up, he sees Chin standing in the door with a grin on his face. “You two are so cute… Kono will be so mad that she missed this,” he says wickedly.

 

Danny points his finger at Chin, doing his best to sound intimidating. “ _You!_   Listen to me!  You keep your mouth shut!  We are not _cute_!  I do not want to hear you and Kono giggling in the bullpen – do you hear me?”  But Danny knows it’s a lost cause.

 

“Sure, brah,” Chin laughs out loud and follows to help Steve.

 

Danny sighs and looks around the empty room. He truly appreciates Steve’s gesture, but he wonders if they can ever really be out from under the shadow of John and Doris McGarrett in this house… if it can ever really be Steve and Danny’s.  He hopes that he and Steve and Grace can transform this house into _their_ _home_ , but he’s not convinced that can ever really happen… time will tell, he supposes. For now he decides he’s had enough of the gloomy thoughts, so Danny turns and heads to the driveway to start unloading his life from the truck.

 

5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O 5-O

 

Danny wakes up on his first morning as a permanent resident in the McGarrett house as Steve is slipping out of bed at a ridiculously early hour. He’s used to it. Steve sees he’s stirring and turns back to kiss him lightly. “Going out to swim?” Danny asks, already knowing the answer.

 

“Mm hmm… Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you when I come back in,” Steve says with an overabundance of fondness in his voice. He finds he is ridiculously happy to wake up this morning, knowing that he’ll find Danny here with him like this every morning from now on. He heads out to swim with a grin on his face.

 

There’s an air of excitement to this day, so Danny gives up on sleep pretty quickly and goes to shower instead. After he dresses, he heads downstairs, intent on coffee and maybe slicing up some more pineapple. He’s in a spectacularly good mood, and is enjoying his happiness; it occurs to him that he spends a lot less time dwelling on the bad things that _could_ happen these days.

 

But all his contentment is shattered in an instant when he walks down the stairs and sees Doris quietly closing the front door behind her as she enters. Shit!  

 

“Doris,” Danny says, flatly. “What are you doing here?” Danny knows he’s surprised her, but can’t help be impressed that she doesn’t flinch in the slightest.

 

“Detective Williams,” Doris replies with cool, calm, “You’re here awfully early.” She is eyeing him with suspicion.

 

“So, it is actually customary to knock before you enter someone else’s home. But maybe you timed your arrival to exactly coincide with Steve’s morning swim routine. Afraid he wouldn’t let you in if you knock when he’s here?”

 

Doris slants her eyes at Danny’s spot-on analysis. “So, can I take it from your early morning descent down our stairs that the two of you are together?”

 

“Ah, no, first, these are Steve’s stairs, not yours. And second, it’s funny how you never answer my questions and try to deflect with misdirection.”

 

“I could say the same thing,” says Doris, with a very insincere smile.

 

“Touché,” Danny throws back. He’s sick of this already, and they glare at each other for another moment, Danny with his arms crossed defensively over his chest.

 

“So, Steve is swimming?” Doris breaks the silence.

 

“You know he is. I’ll ask you again, what are you doing here?” Danny hopes to God that Doris isn’t here to try to drag Steve off on another mission.

 

“That’s none of your business – it’s between me and my son.” Doris is pointedly playing the mother-card and Danny knows it.

 

But Danny is having none of her shit today - he’s royally pissed off that she’s shown up here again – today of all days - and he’s terrified about what this will mean for Steve. “That’s funny, I actually think it is my business because every time you show up here, I’m left behind to clean up your mess after you leave.”

 

“So you are together then,” Doris is not letting this go.

 

“I think that’s conversation you need to have with Steve.” Danny has no idea what Steve might want to tell his mother about their relationship. When they discussed telling other family members, Steve never brought her up, and Danny did not ask.

 

“Why, are you ashamed to admit it?”

 

“Noooo…” Danny says slowly, “but you _are_ his mother and what he chooses to tell you about his relationships is up to him.”

 

“So you admit that you two are in a relationship?” Doris retorts, with a smug smile.

 

He wants to tell her to fuck off, but he clamps down on that instinct. In the end he wants what Steve wants and he knows Steve has unresolved issues with Doris that he needs to work out by himself – he doesn’t want Danny sticking his nose into it; he made that clear a few weeks ago.

 

Danny catches a glimpse of Steve getting close to shore. “I’ll let him know you’re here.” Danny heads outside. He’s reluctant to leave her alone in the house, but he’s afraid that if he doesn’t get away from Doris soon, things might get ugly.

 

Doris watches while Danny walks outside – his body radiating tension. She knows that if Steve and Danny are together, it’s going to change things… complicate things a bit. She’s sure he’s running out to fill Steve with vitriol about her, but she’s pretty sure she can un-do any damage he may cause. In the end, she is Steve’s mother, and that carries a lot of weight.

 

She moves to the open door and watches as Danny approaches Steve, who is emerging from the surf. Danny hands Steve a towel and speaks quietly to him. She can’t hear or see what he says, but whatever it is, it’s very brief… and then Steve’s eyes dart up to where she’s standing in the back doorway.

 

She reads Steve’s lips as he asks, “What’s she doing here?”

 

Danny shakes his head slightly, no doubt admitting he doesn’t know.

 

Steve starts with determination toward the house, turns and pauses slightly when he realizes Danny isn’t following. Danny says something that she can’t make out, and after another second, Steve resumes his march toward the house.

 

Doris watches with surprise from the open door. She would have bet even-odds that her son’s partner would have tagged after him in order to bolster his position. But instead she watches Danny head to the chairs and take a seat, not looking at the house, but rather out at the water.

 

“What are you doing here?” Steve demands as he approaches, a flinty look in his eye.

 

“Can’t I be here just to see you?” Doris replies, injecting a slightly hurt tone into her voice.

 

Steve feels how he is inexorably drawn to her, but he’s trying hard to resist. “You could be but since that’s not how you generally operate, I doubt you are.”

 

Doris looks at Steve. She _had_ planned to ask Steve for his help with a small retrieval project, but clearly that would be a very bad move. Instead she changes tack.

 

“I’m surprised your attack dog told you I was here,” Doris starts, intentionally trying to rile Steve to see what his reaction will be.

 

“Danny’s not my attack dog,” Steve replies, completely unruffled.

 

“Guard dog, then,” says Doris, trying to push more buttons. She need to get a clearer picture of where she and Danny each stand with her son.

 

“He’s not that either,” Steve says, still completely composed.

 

Hmmm, interesting. In the past, Danny has been a trigger for Steve; the mere mention of his name had caused him to shut her down completely last time. She’s not quite sure how to interpret this change in reaction, so she goes right for the gut.

 

“Oh… right… he’s your boyfriend now.”

 

Steve is getting annoyed. He has already decided he’s not going to play Doris’ game today… he just wishes he knew what the game is. “Yeah, that’s right, he’s my boyfriend. Now what do you want, Doris?”

 

“I _am_ here just to see you, Steve,” Doris lies.

 

“Are you? I’m not sure you’ve ever come to see me when you didn’t have an ulterior motive.”

 

“Yes, I have.” Doris isn’t particularly happy with how things are going here.

 

And suddenly, it occurs to Steve that he’s not sure if that’s actually true. Yes, Doris had shown up in the past, spent some time; but Steve wonders in retrospect how much of that was just setting the groundwork for future operations.

 

And right then, in that moment, Steve has a flash of pure clarity. The fog that always seems to descend when Doris is around has been blown away, and the situation is crystal clear to him for the first time since she came back. Doris is not his friend, she’s not his ally, and she may be his mother, but she’s sure as hell not his mom. She is nothing she pretends to be, or at least, he can’t tell if she is or not, and that is somehow worse. The constant, vague feeling of unease; the suspicions; the mistrust… she is everything Danny is not.

 

Or rather, Danny is everything she will never be. Since the first day Steve encountered Danny in his garage, Danny has always been exactly who he said he was. Loud, opinionated, forthright, trustworthy, honest – his friend, his partner, his lover - and never has Steve questioned what Danny's motives are – not once. Hell, Danny couldn’t hide his true nature if he wanted to. The infinite contrast between the two of them is so obvious! Christ! How did he miss this for so long? He’s annoyed with himself, but at the same time, he feels like an enormous weight has been lifted from his back.

 

He almost laughs at how incredibly stupid he has been. How a few weeks ago, he couldn’t give Danny an answer to his question about Doris. An answer that is blindingly clear to him now; Danny is his steady rock, the one he trusts – can always trust. Doris is a stranger, who shows up unpredictably, only to cause him frustration and heartache. She has manipulated him from the beginning, but that ends here and now.

 

“You know what Doris? We’re done here. I have nothing to say to you and there’s nothing you can say that I want to hear. You know where the door is… you can let yourself out.” With that, Steve turns and yells out the back door to his partner. “Danny! I’ll be ready in 10!”

 

Danny turns in his chair and catches a glimpse of Steve moving through the house – no doubt heading for the shower. That was fast. He expected a longer and more drawn-out conversation between the two of them.   He’s not sure if the fact that they are done so quickly is a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Danny knows he should probably leave it be, but he finds he can’t stop himself, so he gets up and walks back to the house. By the time he enters through the back, Doris has already gone out the front, so Danny hurries after her, catching her at her car (and, yes, maybe he makes a mental note of the licenses place number).

 

She hears him approaching and turns to face him. “I suppose you think you’ve won?”

 

“I don’t think it’s a competition, Doris. And I have to hope that, deep down, you want what’s best for Steve.”

 

“And you think you know what that is, do you?”

 

Danny looks at her. He’s not sure he should be having this conversation with Doris, but it’s really hard to sit by and not say anything. Truthfully, he’s wants to go for the throat, but he remembers his conversation with Steve a few weeks ago, and instead, he reigns in all of his self-control.

 

“I think I have some thoughts on the matter, yeah.”

 

“Well, please enlighten me, _Detective Williams_. Tell me what is best for _my son_?” Doris replies, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

 

Danny’s response is remarkably calm. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe what’s best for Steve is for you to not keep showing up in his life and playing this mind-fuck game with him, if you’ll pardon me saying so. What’s best for him is for his mother to be his _mother_ and not some secret-fucking-agent. Maybe what’s best, is for _your son_ not to bleed his guts out every time you darken his door.”

 

“Is that what happens?” Doris asks, heavy disdain in her voice now.

 

“Kinda, yeah! Jesus! Are you really so cold-hearted that you can’t see, or don’t care, how it rips him apart when you show up to use him for his _skills_? You’re his mother for Christ’s sake!” Danny’s trying hard not to raise his voice, but it’s not working.

 

“We don’t all have the luxury of playing nice all the time. I have a job to do,” comes Doris’ hard reply.

 

Danny can feel that he’s not going to convince her – but he’s determined to keep trying. “OK – I get it Doris – you have things you need to do. We all do – can you just… do it without Steve? You managed to do that for 20-some years – you have other resources. How about you just leave him out of it.”

 

“We have a similar goal,” is her pragmatic response.

 

Right, CIA first; mother second. “OK, then give him  _all_  the information you have – every last fucking detail – tell him the _whole_ truth for once, and let him work the angles here without you.”

 

“So you think that's what Steve needs – for me to disappear from his life altogether?” Her anger is clear in every line of her body.

 

“No, I am not saying that. Again, I am saying that what Steve needs is for you to be his _mother_.”

 

“I _am_ his mother – and don’t you forget it!” Doris is barely in control now.

 

Christ, I _wish_ I could forget that! Danny thinks. But, Jesus, this is not what Steve needs, the two of them tearing at each other. He knows he needs to get control of himself and the situation. He absolutely meant it when he said that if Doris came with pure intent, he would welcome her. Not every spouse gets along with their in-laws. Danny needs to just bite the bullet, swallow his contempt for her and be nice – for Steve - he knows he needs to do this for Steve.

 

Danny closes his eyes and visibly calms himself. He really does want what Steve wants, he does. He loves Steve and would do anything for him, so if what Steve needs is for him to play nice with Doris, then he can do that.

 

He opens his eyes, softening his tone and says, “Look, Doris, we both want Steve to be happy, right? We got off on the wrong foot from the beginning. Maybe we can, I don’t know, start over – water under the bridge, and all that…”

 

“Oh, please! I know what you’re trying to do – you have been undermining me with my son since the minute we reuinited.” Her voice is vicious.

 

Danny wants to snort at that: reunited! As though this has been some happy fantasy fulfilled! But despite his flash of anger, he keeps his composure.  

 

“That is not true. Yes, I have raised questions, and I expressed concern – I’d be a bad cop if I didn’t - and with your background, I know you must know that, whether you’ll admit it or not. But I care about Steve and I know that there’s a part of him that is still that little boy who lost his mom, and that part of him still needs and wants you – Can’t you please just be that person he needs? Stop messing with his head and just love him, like his mom should?” Danny finds he is actually pleading with Doris now.

 

“Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me like that?” Doris snarls.

 

“I am Steve’s friend, and his partner, and his roommate and his boyfriend. You’re his mother, and if that’s what you want to be to him – just that - I think there’s enough room in his life for all of those things to coexist.”

 

“And what if _I_ don’t think there is?” Doris’ anger is barely contained.

 

“Then that will up to Steve,” Danny says quietly. He sincerely hopes it never comes to that.

 

“And you think he’ll choose you?” There is clear contempt in her voice.

 

Danny pauses, cocks his head and says gently, “I think I love and respect him enough not to ask him to make that choice – do you?”

 

Doris looks at Danny for a moment, open hostility in her eyes, then turns, gets in her car and drives away without saying another word.

 

Danny watches her car speed down the street. Damn it! That was not how he wanted that to go. He had ridiculously hoped that maybe Doris would say, _yes, you’re right, I won’t do that to Steve anymore_. What an idiot! He braces himself and tries to think how he is going to explain to Steve about the conversation he just had with his mother. He should have kept his mouth shut.

 

But upstairs, Steve stands by the open window, watching as Doris peels down the street in her hasty departure. He had watched and listened as the whole confrontation unfolded, trying to decide if he should go down and intervene. As much as he hated eavesdropping on a conversation he knew wasn’t meant for his ears, he found he couldn’t turn away. He was admittedly curious, to watch how the two of them interacted without knowing he was watching. And once again, they each showed their true colors: Danny had worn his heart on his sleeve; and Doris had retreated, still an unknown… still an enigma.  

 

Steve is at the bottom of the stairs by the time Danny closes the front door behind himself. He’s a little startled to see Steve there; he clearly has not yet showered - and Danny understands immediately that Steve has heard his entire conversation with Doris.

 

“Steve…” Danny starts - he’s not sure where to begin. Especially because Steve is looking at Danny with a version of the face that he had seen the night Danny had returned from New Jersey.

 

But before Danny can say anything else, Steve grabs him and hauls him into a bone-crushing embrace.

 

“God, Danny,” says Steve with a small laugh into the side of his head, “I honestly didn’t think I could love any more than I already did - but I was so wrong…”

 

Relief sweeps though Danny as he closes his eyes and pushes back into the embrace. And for the first time, Danny feels like the specter of Doris – and maybe John, too - is gone from their lives here… and for the first time (but it will not be the last time), Danny feels like this is really _their home_.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had meant to keep things a little more open ended and vague about Doris, but in the end, I just couldn’t help myself… I really don’t like her! I have said before, I have no idea what the show’s writers/producers are thinking is the end game with her – so I went with my gut…
> 
> I really want to thank everyone who read, commented, left kudos, etc. It’s been an interesting exercise – and really, those kudos and comments are addictive like heroin! Each and every one made me ridiculously happy! So please - if you like someone’s work – let them know! 
> 
> And I know that if a bug ever catches me again like this one did, I probably won’t hesitate so much to try to write it up and post it... it’s been fun - so thank you again! 
> 
> Xoxo, teeelsie

**Author's Note:**

> "True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity, before it is entitled to the appellation."
> 
> ~ George Washington


End file.
